Don, Deconstructed
by Ennis
Summary: Rafael Don is a young fox on his own, traveling across nameless lands and falling further from himself. However, fate has different plans for him, and he's thrust into unusual circumstances.


Don, Deconstructed  
  
Chapter 8.23: Living the Ride  
  
'Is my nostalgia a product of my insomnia?'  
The words seemed to come to Rafael Don as if in a dream like state as he sat upright on a barren plain, hard tufts of yellow grass underneath him. The tundra rolled away to the north, and a tall sea of pines and a scattered assortment of maple trees stood silent and exhausted in the distant east, the autumn air locking away what green it could. It had just begun, but winter would always come at an unwanted time.  
"Here she comes . . ." the gypsy sighed, for the moment at peace. As always, he believed he did not deserve this, understood that the very thought was absurd: The sun favored no one. It would change its course for nothing.  
And yet... The little fox was comforted by its flawless consistency, its predictable yet reassuring schedule. To him, it was one of the only things he could count on, one of the only things that he couldn't mess up. Rafael had stayed up all night, stomach growling, dazed, and lonely. He should have slept, but he had wanted to witness the sunrise. So what if he wanted this? Who was to say he was weak, sentimental?  
Himself? He had plenty of ugly things to say to himself, but even that lance was getting dull. He found he couldn't live on self-loathing. And revenge or hatred hadn't been much of a motivation either. What did he want? Or even worse, he feared . . . did he even want at all?  
He pushed these old musings out of his mind for the moment, letting the sun wash over him. She fought through solid, gray cloud, but she still managed to stab a few rays onto the field. The sky was insane, just massive. The world was built to kill the beasts that loved it, and time was its weapon. It even killed itself, everyday.  
Rafael wanted to cry, could feel it bubbling up, but nothing came in the end. His moment of nostalgia was over. He got up slowly and glanced at the sun one last time...  
  
*  
  
September 18th, 167 AE (After Eden)  
  
Fill me up, put me into a gallop  
Will I find the secret?  
And is this my heart that I touch?  
Pealing and funny looking  
And the secret  
The secret...  
I've been waiting here for years...  
But I'm the first, I'm asleep again  
And I missed it again  
  
Rafael put aside the journal he carried, disgusted. He was supposed to be keeping track of what was going on, so he could go back over it in the future. Once again his mind went slippery, and all that came out was nonsense. He could never touch parchment without twisting it somehow, and the little book was filled with psycho babble. It scared him at first, interested and excited him next, then it became irritating.  
Since morning, Rafael had made his way all the way east to the outskirts of the forest, walking at his usual halting pace. Hopefully, there'd be something edible in the woods; he was starving.  
The fox had stopped just along those outskirts to write something down, something about the sun, but it immediately collapsed.  
"Why am I still carrying this thing?" Don asked out loud, holding up the journal in a weak paw for further scrutiny, but only for a moment. He quickly tucked it back in his haversack, which was depressingly empty. He carried no weapon, and what little food he acquired he ate on the go.  
"I'm a glutton." Rafael mumbled, but he was as thin as a twig. Contradictory, irrelevant. Today was starting out nicely.  
In the nameless forest, the young fox turned this way and that, haphazardly pushing through thick fern and weed. Sometimes he would find a more friendly passage, but it would never last long. The trees towered over him and he felt smaller than he actually was. Even their piney smell could not comfort him. The leaves rustled softly in a subtle breeze, and they sounded like the ocean.  
Even the sun made it through the clouds and tree tops, passing through and reflecting off gold, brown, red, and fire orange, illuminating the forest floor with brilliant colors.  
Rafael found it very beautiful, and he couldn't help but stop and rest by an old sycamore. He was still a bit hungry, but maybe he could escape his depression for a time.  
He was dozing off again. He noticed, but he didn't even try to stop himself from falling asleep this time. At least maybe he wouldn't be stuck in 'neutral' for a few moments.  
Over an hour passed before he awoke in the fog. In no time at all, the entire atmosphere had changed. The sun was gone, and it seemed that the very forest had been replaced with something else, something more hostile.  
  
Hadn't he fallen asleep by a sycamore?  
Rafael turned around and saw that he was leaning against the same kind of tree, but it seemed different. It was colder, too, and the silence was oppressive.  
"Of course," the fox concluded for himself, getting up, "If I'm not dead, I still have to live in a world where it seems that way."  
The gypsy had only taken two steps forward when something hit him on the top of his head. He blinked once, rubbing the spot between his ears. He was not seriously hurt. Whatever it was hadn't killed him, so he'd still need to find food.  
As the fox shuffled away from the sycamore, another tiny object came sailing overhead, this time pelting him in the ear. He turned just in time to see the missile bounce away into the foliage.  
An acorn, Rafael thought mechanically. Even his mind was going weak. He should get something to eat.  
"You sure can take a walloping!" A reedy voice sang through the trees. It was coming from somewhere above, but Rafael merely stood idle and replied in no particular direction.  
"Why the harassment? I'm not one to bother with." The fox mustered up something he hoped sounded like annoyance.  
This was, however, pretty exciting compared to most of his days.  
"Just teasing you, fox boy. An old geezer like me is still entitled to a little sport, eh?"  
Now the trickster appeared, nimbly jumping across two distant branches, swinging upside down once and propelling himself through the air again, this time landing deftly in front of Rafael. The fox backed up a step, impressed by such a dramatic display of agility.  
It was an old squirrel, covered from ears to tail in silver fur, but he moved like water, ice blue eyes sizing the fox up. The tree jumper was very old, Don figured after a better look, and there was some luster in his features that had been tarnished over the long seasons. The fox imagined that the squirrel might have been quite roguish in his youth, a born adventurer.  
Brandishing a reckless smile, the squirrel walked right up to him and offered his paw.  
"I'm Gareth Riggs, but you can call me Riggs."  
"Good day to you, sir," Rafael found his voice after a moment, shaking paws, "I'm Rafael Don. Pleased to meet you."  
Riggs smiled again, crossing his arms and staring at the fox.  
An awkward silence followed and Rafael thought he was supposed to say something. Nothing came to mind, so he fidgeted with his tail brush for a second and finally said, "It was nice meeting you. I'll be going now."  
"Now?" Gareth Riggs asked, feigning puzzlement. What a strange beast, Rafael thought. The squirrel scratched his whiskers, as if making a tough decision.  
"You remind me of someone I knew once." The squirrel mused, tapping an ear.  
"What..." Rafael began, but the rickety elder waved him to silence.  
"Enough reminiscing. It gives me gas," Riggs announced, patting his tummy. "You've been caught trespassing and you must pay the penalty."  
"But I have no money," Rafael said tiredly, holding up his paws to show it, "I have nothing you can use either. All I have is this book..."  
"God, you ARE a meek little thing. Stand up straight, friend, I was only joshing. You're very passive for a fox." Riggs dropped the act for a moment, shaking his head sadly, "You do realize I'm very old, right? How could I force something from you?"  
"I don't know..." Rafael answered, and he felt he really should be going. This was a goodbeast, and he probably would do better off without a vermin around.  
"I mean you no harm," Don finished, trying to walk away again, "I'll just be..."  
"I know you mean no harm, fox-face." Riggs barked, but he was moving to intercept the youth, "I was just going to say that the penalty was having to spend the evening in my drey, stuffing yourself on bread and cheese and getting drunk on cheap wine. I was going to see if you wanted something to eat. I don't get many visitors out here. In fact..." the squirrel paused, eyeing the fox, "What ARE you doing out here? Nobeast comes around this place. It's very boring."  
"I was just walking around." Rafael said, and he really was.  
Riggs looked even more confused.  
"You're... walking around?" the squirrel spoke as if he were talking to a crazy beast, "Well, do you want to 'walk' over to my drey? It's not far from here."  
"Is that okay?" Rafael asked, frowning. "I'm a vermin, sir. Plus, I'm not a very lucky beast."  
"The vermin thing I can live with," Riggs said, winking broadly, "Luck? I got enough of that for both of us. Follow me, Mr. Gloom and Doom."  
And with that, the squirrel was up a nearby tree like a shot, pausing high up to call down to him.  
"Just keep your eye on me, friend. I'll stop every now and then so you can catch up."  
Rafael nodded and started forward.  
Another fortunate thing for him and nothing clicks inside. He couldn't help but smile slightly, though. It felt good to be around someone friendly, and the youth hoped he would make a better impression at the drey.  
  
Chapter Negative 205: Intermissions Make Us  
  
Rain.  
It started coming down in sheets as the fox and his new guide stole through the brooding woodlands. They reached the drey just before it got really bad, and Rafael looked up in dismay: There didn't appear to be any way to get to the squirrel's home. Not even a rope was hanging around.  
"Hm... Sorry friend. Forgot you couldn't climb straight up the side of a tree. Let's see what we can do about that."  
And with that, Riggs was out of sight and into the little drey. Rafael waited, shuffling from paw to paw anxiously, getting soaked in the downpour. After a minute, the squirrel's furry little head poked back into view.  
"Catch!" Riggs called, and a rope ladder came tumbling down.  
"Thanks." Rafael answered, fumbling with the ropes for a second. He then proceeded to climb up to the tree house, going paw over paw self- consciously.  
"Are we taking our time?" Gareth said impatiently. "I think a mole could have made that climb faster than you."  
"I've never climbed a tree before," Rafael said as he made it to the top, having a little trouble finding his feet again near the edge.  
"Again, I'm kidding," Riggs sighed, coiling the ladder as he did. "Have a seat over there by the hearth. I'll have a fire going and then I'll set up this little cot for you. Then it's on to the food!"  
  
*  
  
In the next several minutes Rafael was wolfing down a warm loaf of bread and some cheese by a large window, the rain running down the glass, distorting the surrounding forest. They sat at a wooden table of simple design, and the squirrel's home was warm and cozy.  
Riggs had even come up with some peaches, a fruit the fox had never tried.  
"This is wonderful," Don beamed, wiping sweet juice from his chin with the back of his sleeve. "You're a very generous beast, Riggs. Thank you so much for this."  
The squirrel scoffed at that, turning away quickly to hide his embarrassment.  
"You were just hungry," Riggs grunted, "You'll get over it."  
"How long have you lived here?" Rafael wondered out loud, having finished his meal.  
"Had enough, bushtail?"  
"Yes, thank you," Rafael nodded, feeling a little of that morning's nostalgia returning. Why couldn't life be like this all the time? Why couldn't everyone in the world live without want? With love, with no past, with half the day lost in daydreams and boredom?  
Don had nothing to say for the moment, lost in his own thoughts, so Riggs spoke up.  
"To answer your question, I've been here for 29 years. I'm 60 years old."  
"So you've been here for almost half your life?" Rafael asked.  
"Yup, basically," Gareth answered, picking at something in his teeth absently. "I used to be a warrior, an adventurer. I even had some very close friends I wandered the world with, but that was an even longer time ago, long before I came here."  
"What happened to them?" Rafael asked. "Are they still around?"  
"No," Riggs said, shaking his head. Something in the way the squirrel carried himself now told the fox he shouldn't press the subject further, but he couldn't help himself. He really wanted to know.  
"Are they gone? Were they your best friends?"  
Riggs looked up and their eyes met. An energy, an emotion Rafael couldn't quite understand was reflected upon him, and he suddenly felt all mixed up inside.  
"I'm sorry. I was just curious," the fox stammered, still not quite sure what to make of the squirrel's strange expression.  
Riggs eyes seemed to come back into focus after a second. He blinked.  
"Eh? Oh, I was just remembering something."  
"Are you gonna fart?" Rafael asked, trying a small laugh.  
"Um... what?" Riggs asked, raising an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"You said reminiscing gave you gas." Rafael pointed out, now feeling very embarrassed over the stupid joke.  
Riggs stared blankly at his guest for a moment, then suddenly grinned.  
"Oh... heh heh. I did say that, didn't I?" The squirrel said, chuckling at the ridiculous thought.  
"Yeah, heh, I was thinking that was so weird when you said it," Rafael added, stifling a giggle.  
Riggs went to say something more, but he found himself laughing at the fox, who in turn couldn't help but join in.  
"Ha ha ha! What the heck were you talking about?" Riggs gasped, nearly falling out of his chair.  
"I don't know! It's... Hah ha har! Just something I say! I never thought it... ha ha! Could be funny!"  
  
*  
  
Later on, the two friends sat at the hearth, reclining in a couple of old leather chairs. It was getting late, but they were still exchanging life stories.  
"So Kor comes out of the redwood, and there's Ethane, holding a big rock over his head," Riggs said, staring into the fire lazily. Rafael, however, was on the edge of his seat.  
"Did it work? Was Ethane able to kill the badger with a stone?" the youth asked.  
"Of course," Riggs winked, "I'm here now, aren't I?"  
"And Olim and his family were okay?"  
"Yup, and they even gave Ethane a sword, but that's another story for later," Riggs said, yawning. The elder really should be going to bed.  
"But can you tell me about the sword tomorrow?" Rafael asked hopefully, "And Ethane... I wanted to hear more about him, too. I wish I could have met him."  
Riggs smiled kindly and got up out of his chair.  
"I'm sure he would have wanted to meet you too, Rafael," the squirrel said, making his way over to his small bed.  
"Get some sleep now. You'll need it for a hearty breakfast tomorrow."  
"Breakfast too? That's awesome!" Rafael said, but quickly stopped himself.  
"Er, I'm sorry if, like... I'm eating all your food. I'm gonna be on my way tomorrow, so I can..." Rafael paused again, finding the ending to that sentence perfectly confusing.  
"I... I don't know," Don continued. "I'll do something... I always do."  
Riggs stared at the strange fox for several seconds, perplexed, somewhat concerned.  
"Okay... whatever you want to do, Rafael. Good night," the squirrel finally said.  
"Right, good night, Riggs," Don said, shaking his head, "Sorry, I'll just go to sleep."  
  
*  
  
'This is a good place...'  
Lying on the cot, in the warm dark, covered in a big blanket, Rafael couldn't remember the last time he had felt so safe. If only he could forget the rain, the failures. Even here, in a different world, he saw and heard the sneering faces, lived so many lives and ideas that ran him over. He was never in competition, never in the right.  
His mind was racing, fighting itself again, and he couldn't sleep.  
'I could stay here, forget everything.' Rafael used it as a weapon to get the demons out of his skull. 'I don't have a past. I'm not a gypsy. I'm not a thief. I'm done... I'm so done.'  
Tossing and turning. Nothing could calm him down. What was wrong with him? He wasn't sad, and the memories didn't altogether kill him, so what?  
He wanted to stay, to just be friends with Riggs and work around the drey or something. What do you expect? The fox had been crawling through the filth and folly for God knew how long, and each day brought more holes, more things to forget.  
'I'll just ask if I can,' the fox thought, sighing deeply. 'I don't wanna be alone anymore. I don't care anymore. I just wanna be me, and if the world doesn't like it then it can get lost.'  
The sun . . .  
The sky, the earth.  
It was something he loved, but he had to stop romanticizing about childish things. There is no adventure, no maidens or dragons or happy endings. The world was what you make of it, and there was no such thing as destiny.  
  
Chapter Infinite: Jaya Would Know  
  
September 25th, 167 AE (After Eden)  
  
She was so beautiful she was so much more  
She was a gash in my lungs and I fought you  
All day I'm singing for a piece  
Running from mirrors and clutching joy  
Waiting for magic and counting to five  
Very refreshing  
Very reliable  
No one  
  
Rafael had hurt himself again. He would have died, but he was a coward... Or acting like one again. How could one be a coward if one had no real fear?  
After burying Gareth Riggs the next morning, after the fox had decided to ask if he could stay at the drey, Rafael fell off the ladder when climbing back up to get his journal. He had written something in it, in his sleep this time.  
The squirrel had passed away in his sleep.  
This is going to hurt, Rafael told himself just before he hit the ground. He would never know if he had done it on purpose. He had decided to take his book and leave without taking any of his former friend's supplies. The very thought of 'robbing' the squirrel sickened him, but he knew he was being sentimental and illogical again. Riggs would have wanted him to have everything, even the drey.  
"No," Rafael breathed as he slammed into the ground, and the wind flew out of him. Had he done that on purpose as well? Was he trying to kill himself?  
He lay there a long time. Either he could continue merging with the ground, until he truly died, or he could test himself for broken bones.  
For some reason, he did eventually rise, and he was fortunate not to have broken anything.  
Now, six days later, after just closing the little book after making another entry, he opened the journal again, turning back one page to see what he had written on the night of the 18th.  
  
(unintelligible scribbling at the top of the page)  
  
I'm dancing  
I'm screaming  
I'm bleeding  
  
"Eden." Rafael slammed the book closed, fighting tears. He had cried at the burial, but he couldn't do that again. He had to get away...  
It wasn't his fault, but it was, again, always.  
What a strange life. A good memory, a strong drink, and a lot of heartache. The fox pushed himself to his feet, brushing pine needles out of his tail and britches. It was a good thing that Riggs died. The squirrel would have been stuck with keeping company with the wreck, the nomad.  
"God keep you and Eden watch over you, Riggs," Rafael said to the surrounding forest, now miles into nowhere  
  
*  
  
"Hey Jaya."  
"Hey Rafael."  
The lemur was flying around at light speed, passing through trees and giving off beams of white luminance.  
Hallucinations usually never lasted this long or have... sound. Rafael held up a paw to defend himself, but the thing was everywhere at once, and soon it 'became' other things.  
"I'm obsessed with you? Or myself, my trials?" Rafael gave chase, trying to focus on the forest floor, trying to keep what little balance he still had.  
"Oh wait... I haven't eaten anything or slept in almost ten days. That must be it." The fox stopped running. He chuckled as the angel of light did a little jig, but that was about all the amusement he got out of it for now.  
His body then shut down, and he fell on his face, muzzle buried in the dead leaves. He breathed them in, and he hugged himself, but he was dying.  
"Jaya." He spoke the name, trying to regain his strength. He was never one to commit suicide, and the least he could do was not lie to himself.  
Jaya, his one true friend, the one who had helped him. A stranger, with no reason to be kind. The lemur had taught him that he couldn't stand by as another was hurt or persecuted, and that those in power bothered him. These things shouldn't be kept inside, from what he understood with the help of his old friend. How had she done it? By simply being herself? She had taught him through example, and whatever else about her that drew him to her.  
Rafael was no hero, but you didn't have to be if you felt you needed to do the right thing. This was one quality he could be proud of, if he had had any pride in the first place.  
"Riggs?" the fox asked, perplexed despite himself.  
The old squirrel was visible dark matter, but how could he be seen but not? Rafael stared, squinted even, but he could only 'figure' what he saw...  
Or didn't.  
Don slapped the cold soil once in frustration, trying to rise. Somewhere in the back of his mind he imagined normal beasts could channel the dead if starved or deprived of sleep enough, and that this was his discovery.  
'I should write a book,' Rafael snorted, stumbled, found himself bracing himself against a tree. His colors bled, and all he could see was red and green.  
"Oh... poop," He moaned, finally tripping and falling, the ground coming at him slowly. He didn't even feel the impact. Just a low, distant roar, possibly coming from his deadened ears.  
The journal. It swallowed him, made his fur brittle, flammable. And his eyes were watery and he wanted to make a speech, a difference. Write something to comfort himself, to be proud of and hide from others, others who wanted to know everything about him, to follow him and bug him, and he'd shyly tell them to go away.  
So he could die, so he could let the ocean fill his lungs and suffer one last headache.  
Just one...  
  
Chapter Condescending: Cotton Monsters  
  
September 26th, 167 AE (After Eden)  
  
Hi I'm Alice and I'm a ferret and I'm gave you some water and a some bread get better soon  
  
Alice~  
  
Pulsing, pounding, misery.  
Just perfect misery and nausea. What a wonderful thing to wake up to. And the sunlight. It was like a sledgehammer to Rafael's frontal lobe.  
"What..." the fox grunted, feeling for his... Something, anything. He wouldn't be surprised if his legs were gone. Despite all his disorientation, he could have sworn he had eaten something recently. And slept, if passing out and almost dying could be counted as such. He was still hungry, but he wasn't in the mood to recover just yet. He was embarrassed again for his stubbornness, his refusal to take care of himself.  
It wasn't that hard, for Eden's sakes.  
"Hello there," Rafael hummed, feeling suddenly giddy and light headed. His paw touched the journal and he picked it up, eyeing the next page.  
Somebeast had written something in it, somebeast named 'Alice.' So that was it: All he had to do was try killing himself and a new friend would come along.  
"Nifty." Don shrugged, his amusement gone.  
  
*  
  
That same day Rafael found something else: As the trees around him began to recede, he came to another baron plain, a plethora of rolling hills, short, dying shrubbery and flat slabs of rock jutting out of the earth. He made his way along a little faster now, free of cumbersome root and the occasional thorn.  
He spotted the dilapidated little wagon huddled in one of the lower fields, a few dead, nameless trees standing here and there. At first he could have sworn somebeast was inside, but after a closer look he saw that much of the wood was dark, rotting, and the axle was busted. There was no horse, of course, and whoever had owned the vehicle was long gone...  
He shifted his pace and started drifting over to the enigma, unable to stunt his fascination.  
Hey, there could be food in there.  
The tent that covered the top of the wagon was drawn closed, so when the fox reached the rear he reached up to pull the fold back.  
"Uneh!"  
It was a short, primitive threnody, a broken piece of a song, but it was enough to scare the pants off the gypsy. He whirled around, the potentials in the wagon forgotten. The tundra rolled outward, the same scattered trees and stones staring back, almost shrugging at him.  
Rafael stood still, trying to control his breathing. He backed up a little, bumping into the wagon as he did.  
"Who... Whose there?" Don called, searching his person for a weapon that wasn't there. There was no answer at first. Just an aloof breeze, playing his tattered cloak. The havvy sack felt heavy on his shoulder, and he wondered if he could use it to defend himself.  
Another sound, this time a tiny bark of acknowledgement.  
Coming out from behind a blasted thing of a tree, a small, brown eyed dibbun shuffled into view, several yards away. It was a ferret, a female with a plain, blue dress.  
The newcomer made no sound, only staring at Rafael with conflicting interest.  
Don relaxed some, finding no threat in a child. He returned the stare, somewhat indignant, then turned around to continue his investigation.  
'Funny how I could be startled by a dibbun.' The fox mused, again reaching for the flap.  
This time there was no sudden sound that stopped him, but he could sense the ferret had moved. It was padding towards him, probably trying to sneak up on him. Rafael let his paw fall and turned around purposefully, finding the child now standing only fifteen or so yards away.  
"Hey, what do you want?" Rafael asked, "I don't have any food. If I find some in here, I'll give you some or whatever, but then you should go back to your parents."  
The ferrets eyes widened urgently, and she pointed to her throat. She then pointed at the wagon.  
"You can't speak?" Rafael asked, raising an eyebrow, "So... Like, you can understand me, but you can't talk back. What do you want with the cart?"  
The dibbun adopted a pleading demeanor, chancing another step forward.  
"I dunno what you want. Just give me a second." Rafael told her, determined not to be distracted this time. The fox turned and proceeded to tug on the flap.  
He caught a glimpse of a few traveling blankets and a severed head for one, incomprehensible blip in reality, then the dibbun was right behind him...  
He glanced back, half realizing what he had just seen, then the small wooden rear gate was smashed into splitters by a tremendous force, and then the whole wagon was being pulverized, just hammered and slashed to bits.  
Rafael was knocked back by a sickeningly heavy... Claw, or a paw maybe, but it was connected to some kind of shapeless cotton flush. Insect like pincers drove into the earth, and the monster seemed to be bursting out of the wagon like a cocoon.  
The gypsy was struck again, and this time he was flying away from the creature, right over the ferrets head. He felt like someone had torn his chest wide open, and he was sure that when he landed he'd find that his rib cage was at least completely mutilated.  
The dibbun was running after him, on the verge of tears. She was at his side before he was done tumbling over again, her previous inhibitions gone.  
Rafael stared up into the sky, eyes wide as saucers, suffering from some kind of massive shock. He was breathing hard, trying to feel for injures. Surprisingly, impossible, there was no blood. He was just badly beaten.  
The ferret was pulling on him and making half signs with her free paw, all the while expressing extreme fear and concern.  
"I can't..." Rafael gasped, stars suddenly exploding in his vision. He felt like he had been ran over by a horse.  
The dibbun did her best to help him stand, and when he did they watched in silent awe and horror as the last of the vehicle flew apart in all directions. A hulking, headless juxtapose of tangled white hair and stabbing black exoskeleton attacked the earth and the air, seeming to be wanting to expand even further, until it consumed everything.  
It looked like a weird, berserk demon sheep thing, but with a huge, twisted body and scorpion-like arms and legs. None of the limbs were proportionate to each other, and the monster moved about in an unorthodox manner.  
Rafael stumbled back, but after a moment he saw that this strange, unexplainable thing couldn't follow him, much less come towards him. It could move at will, but it didn't seem to have any control at all.  
Never the less, he half stumbled away, clumsily conveying that he wanted help from the dibbun. The two walked away for as long as they could, until they could start running.  
  
  
Scene 5: Walk with Thee*   
"I think I need to be admitted to a clinic*." Rafael mumbled, now walking east. Beyond the rolling hills, the gypsy was in heavy timbers again, and the cover helped him calm down. The day was almost done, and there was a peaceful silence all around. Even the birds had retired early. The leaves were still, the wind nary a slight breeze.   
"I mean, I'm crazy, right?" the fox was hardly talking to the ferret, but he might as well have been.   
"That thing I saw. It couldn't have been real. I must have been hallucinating again."   
Alice tugged on his sleeve, pointing to herself stubbornly.   
"Okay, so maybe you saw it too, but what was that thing?"   
The two had shared an exchange awhile ago, after they were sure they were far enough away from what Rafael was now calling "The Demon Sheep." Rafael had tried to get her to go away. He didn't hate her, but he was more than sure that it wasn't safe for such a young beast to be traveling with a misfit with no direction. Alice in turn had nearly threw a fit, beseeching the fox to let her come along.   
"But I can't take care of you!" Don had finally said, nearly shouting with frustration, "What about your parents? I'm sure they could..."   
But Alice only looked away, crying softly. She pointed back in the direction they had come, back to where the monster had been...   
"Oh... I'm sorry." Rafael stopped, now undecided.   
"Eden above, Alice... I'm really sorry, but I can't help you. Don't cry, please." And the fox kneeled down so they were face to face.   
"There's nothing I can do to help you. Besides, you were the one that helped ME in the beginning. Twice now you've saved my life. Now, do you think I could really help you?"   
By answering, the dibbun threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.   
"Silly beast." Rafael sighed, but he patted her on the back before he gently pushed her away.   
Now, Rafael was wondering what Alice saw in him. The dibbun was certainly introverted, to the point where she didn't go near anyone at all. They had passed by one family of rabbits and even a roaming mouse in the past few hours, and both times Alice had completely vanished, only to return after Rafael was alone again.   
When it was just the two of them, she would bound about, trying to play fight with him or throw pine cones at his back until he had to tell her he didn't want to play.   
"You're such a dork," he said, dodging a missile.   
The ferret grinned and skipped away, wandering off into the trees. * October 1st, 167 AE (after Eden) You're going to wait You're going to die Letters to mother Letters to forget No longer legibly or intelligibly or credible So much to give me, it's crumbly   
Rafael yawned as he sat on a fallen pine. He flipped through old pages in his book and read a few things over again, wondering if any of the entries could be connected some how. He had tried that before, but nothing had jumped out at him.   
Alice was off somewhere again, but she would always return. Sometimes the dibbun would even have food with her, but it was getting colder. Another few months and it would be winter. They would have to stop traveling if it became too dangerous.   
The pair were traveling east and slightly north, searching for a small village by the name of Ellenore. Rafael had heard about it a few nights ago after walking into a pack of roaming vermin's camp site. There were five of them and maybe a few others lurking in the shadows, and of course they had made to kill him. The gypsy had not resisted, to his assailant's surprise, and he explained that he didn't have anything to steal. After getting kicked around a little and roughly searched, the party snorted irritably and ignored him. Later, one of them spoke of a filthy little settlement in the east, a village that consisted of a tavern that doubled as an inn, a handful of homes, and an armory.   
The fox had considered traveling with them, even if he ended up being a fifth wheel. He didn't like the fact that he'd be accepted just because of his race, however, and he immediately realized that Alice would be frightened off if he started hanging with barbarians.   
Now, Alice was leading them, marching along purposefully, holding a willow reed aloft like a sword. The ground was soft and muddy, suggesting that they may be headed into some marsh lands or a swamp. The grass was dead yellow, tall, but the trees were covered in moss and dew.   
On and on they went, forgetting to stop and eat until well past midday. Rafael called to his strange friend and tossed her an apple, one of a few things Alice seemed to have a knack for finding. The dibbun caught it and put it away while Don stopped walking and leaned against a weeping willow, its lethargic vines falling all around them. He folded his paws and sighed, finding the night welcome so he could sleep.   
Ellenore could be a long way off or just a few miles ahead. Don wasn't sure at all which it could be, but at least there would be enough beasts there to ask about Jaya.   
His friend was a lemur, so surely someone could have seen her at one point.   
Alice soon noticed that she wasn't being followed again, and she walked back and tapped her footpaw impatiently at the fox.   
"What's the rush? Wherever we go you're not going to like it," Rafael said, stifling a yawn. "Go find a hiding place or something."   
The dibbun stopped tapping her foot and stared hurtfully at him, bottom lip quivering. The gypsy's words had stung her badly.   
"For heaven's sake, Alice," Rafael said hurriedly, trying to adopt an apologetic tone. "I didn't mean it like that. You just don't like a lot of other beasts, right?"   
The ferret turned away, staring off in no particular direction.   
"Hey, don't be like that..." Rafael said tiredly, kneeling and touching her head lightly. "I hate people too. They seem to hate me, you know."   
Alice turned and smiled hugely, nearly bowling the fox over with another hug.   
"Okay, you need to stop doing that," Rafael said, disentangling himself from the dibbun. "You don't need to act hurt or something if you want a hug. And people don't just hug each other all the time."   
In answer, Alice kicked the gypsy in the shin mischievously, skipping away again before he could do something about it.   
"Super dork!" Rafael called, but he was trying not to laugh.   
Alice danced back a few more paces, grinning foolishly, but in the next instant she stopped, standing still.   
"What..." Rafael asked, his voice trailing off at the sight of the child's blank expression.   
Alice's ears pricked up, her nose sniffing the breeze animatedly. It was then that she turned fearful eyes on the fox.   
Rafael glanced around, his ears twitching also... A wail? Somebeast was crying, it sounded like.   
"Someone's hurt," Don concluded, still concentrating on the sound. It was coming at them from the west, from behind.   
Was it the demon-thing again?   
No, that abomination hadn't made these sounds: So miserable, yearning, as if the creature or creatures were lost in a crippling hopelessness.   
The hair on the back of Rafael's neck stood on end suddenly, the crying turning into some kind of hateful grunting. Now the trees and bushes nearby could be heard taking abuse, and then there was a smell...   
"Aah, God!" the fox gasped, holding his nose. He stumbled towards Alice, motioning for them to get away. The dibbun needed no coaxing to run. She sped off east, straight into the thick vegetation, slowing every now and then to make sure Rafael hadn't fallen behind.   
Whatever the thing was that was behind them distilled a great fear in the friends, and they knew by instinct to flee.   
The crying again, this time frustrated, calling to them to come back. This frightened Rafael even more: The thing sounded a little more intelligent than the sheep-monster, and it could apparently move in any direction at will.   
The gypsy's breathing was coming in short gasps as he literally flew through the trees, sprinting as fast as he could. If it wasn't for Alice's smaller size and superior mobility, the fox would have passed her a long time ago.   
Rafael could hear the dibbun's breathing as well, see her frantic motions. They were both terrified, their adrenaline high, but if they didn't keep their wits they could end up crashing into a tree or twisting an ankle in a ditch. They didn't stop to hear if they were breaking away. Its shrieking was still audible, but they couldn't tell if it was getting closer...   
Rafael looked to his left, noticing that the forest was a little sparser from a short distance. He reached out and grabbed Alice's arm, steering her in the direction of the easier terrain. The two turned and stumbled through the foliage, still gasping and wide eyed. In the next moment they were moving a little faster, and Don believed they were going to get away.   
They made it all the way across the clearing and into heavy timbers again. Rafael stopped running, stalling into a jog. He chanced a look back. Alice noticed that she was in the lead, alone, and she waved at him frantically to continue.   
"Wait..." Rafael breathed, shaking all over, eyes riveted on the other side of the relief...   
Nothing.   
The fox's heartbeat was pounding in his ears, and it was hard to focus even on the slight breeze that stirred them, whispering in the trees overhead. The birds were gone. No sound, no life for miles around. Was this thing killing as it went? Had it killed those rats somewhere along the way? Or the other beasts he'd ran into?   
No, they hadn't stumbled upon it. Of course, any others who had found it had ran.   
One exhale... Rafael could taste the air. His vision slowed for a moment, as if the world he had been watching went into a slight lag. He half turned, glancing at Alice from the corner of his eye...  
And the thing came bounding into the dying sunlight, tumbling head over tail. It thrashed the lush forest floor, spotting them as its powerful claws propelled it forward.   
Alice gasped, a hoarse sound that seemed forced.   
Their pursuer looked like a horse, but with opposable thumbs. The head was soft, beautiful, like nothing they had ever seen. Its expression was twisted though, and it stared them down as it advanced.   
"I just want to hold you," the creature cooed, moving slower.   
It talks, was all Rafael could think, his horror complete now. He tore his eyes away from it, running after Alice again, wanting nothing more than to get away.   
"Wait! Do not go, fuzzy creatures! I want only to appease you!"   
The voice wailed on and on in their ears, becoming more hostile as they crashed along...   
*   
As night fell, the two were still running. It was amazing that they hadn't both died from sheer exhaustion. Rafael's breathing seemed to be coming automatically, and even Alice was slowing down.   
A light, a beacon pierced the black limbs like some kind of mirage. It couldn't have come at a better time.   
Not caring if the signal was friendly or otherwise, the ferret and the fox turned slightly north, the luminance that lanced through the shadows and doubt coming ever closer.  
It was a house, an old fashioned home complete with a wrap around porch and awnings. It was two stories, sprawling, and the light was coming from one of the windows upstairs.   
There were no other signs of life in the house.   
"I just want to hold you."   
Rafael shivered with dread. Whoever was in there had to let them in, or at least help them get rid of the unicorn impersonator.   
The fox stepped forward, but in the next instant Alice was tugging hard on his paw, refusing to let him get any closer to the house. The ferret's expression was frantic, desperate and more fearful than he had ever seen.   
"Let's go, Alice." Rafael found it easy to overpower the child, but he believed it to be a cruel thing to force her to go where she didn't want to.   
"We can hide in the house," Don tried to soothe her. "If there's someone there, I won't let them hurt you. I promise, Alice."   
But the dibbun wouldn't be swayed at all. She clung to him as hard as she could, and he couldn't move either way now.   
More howling, more thrashing. Their new friend could smell them, taste them in the air. There was something else about its movements that they could read now, something new...   
Glee?   
Was it them that excited it? Or the house?   
Rafael didn't want to die, but he wasn't going to force Alice to do anything. The fox kneeled, unsure if they only had a few more seconds now.   
"Please, Alice," the gypsy tried one last time. "If anyone tries to hurt you, I'll be right in front of you. Come on kid, let's just go in the house... For me?"   
The last statement felt like some kind of trick to him, and he hated the way it sounded, but for some reason it worked.   
The dibbun closed her eyes tight, standing perfectly still...  
"Alice..." Rafael said, realizing that she would not move on her own, no matter what he did. She would go, but not by her own accord.   
Rafael reached out and picked her up in his arms, making a mad dash for the front porch. It was then that their pursuer came into view again, seconds from destroying both of them if they had lingered longer. Rafael chanced one look back, making eye contact with pink spheres hooded in white sockets, its fierce joy the smell of a slow death.   
Alice was squeezing his neck now, making it hard for him to breath as he sprinted up the creaky, wooden stairs. He slammed his shoulder painfully into the door, calling out.   
"Help us! Let us in!"   
No answer, but when the fox freed a paw to test the knob, it gave. He didn't wait to see if someone would come to their aid.   
Into the warmth, sharp shadows and a staircase bathed in moonlight from the front windows.   
Grand dining room to the right, white table cloth, crystal. Dark, oppressive wallpaper, thorny, lush vines and ripe roses of the deepest red. Arched ceiling, chandelier, silver utensils set and napkins folded into swans, candles two to three feet tall.   
Empty living room to the left, polished wooden coffee tables, and a towering display case of cedar and flawless glass. A grandfather clock of massive splendor, pixies and elves carved into the hide, the face gold and pearl.   
A scream, something passing, frustrated.   
Rafael turned around in the doorway, still clutching Alice close to him. The wind billowed his cloak and played his fur wildly, and for a moment he stood in the center of a sanctuary and a black hole, but both had their own appeal...  
Get out of the house...   
The fox fought tears, suddenly overcome with a great sadness. Something had happened here.   
Get out of the house...  
The unicorn impersonator stepped onto the rich soil that was just beyond the porch, and its fingers cracked and burned in unseen flame, its knuckles busting.  
Get out of the house...  
Wanting to protect, wanting to save, the monster bled through its eyes, weeping for her lovely fuzzies.   
Rafael was in the entryway now, but he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there. The wind roared now, screaming, pummeling his ears and eyes.   
Rising... Something was happening inside the fox, something that he didn't want to see. The unicorn thing stood on its hind legs and wailed to the night sky, head swishing back and forth.   
Faster... Faster and faster and Rafael was swallowed by some kind of mindless maw, at the peak of...   
The fox's reality froze as the door slammed shut with a bang, but the world-jump had seemed as natural as one's first breath.   
Nothing.   
Nothing but the wooden floor boards and the plush carpet underneath him. Nothing but the same furniture, the same night and the same... Him.   
Rafael Don, compulsive thief and wandering misfit.   
All of his misery laid bare again, there to be explored again, as it always was.   
I hate this... he thought, and he tried to wrap his arms tighter around his only friend...   
But Alice was gone.   
Rafael had his arms up, holding thin air. He lowered them, disbelieving, and more than a little frightened.   
"Alice?" Rafael called, trying to sound calm, a quiet dread festering to a boil inside him.   
"Alice?!" the fox screamed, but already he was falling to his knees, having hardly searched the house at all. He couldn't help but believe that she was gone forever, and that there was no point in going to look for her.   
Rafael could feel her absence in his gut, his bones, like some kind of carnal instinct...  
But how could that be? One couldn't simply sense that someone was 'gone forever.'   
Or . . . Miles away? More than that?   
Rafael sat down with a bump and started to cry. He didn't care if he was safe from harm, protected by these silent walls. He should have thrown himself upon the acid soil (how had he crossed it in the first place?), or into the arms of the beast.   
He had wronged Alice, had made her disappear by entering this place she had not wanted to be in so badly.   
"Poor stupid me," Don gritted his teeth, trying to sound mad, focusing on what hatred he had for his lot to stop from bawling.   
"Riggs wouldn't have gone. Riggs would have..."   
But the mentioning of the friendly squirrel's name sent the fox off into more tears.   
Wait . . . Disappear? Rafael mused after a long time sitting there, licking his own tears from his lips dumbly. He wiped his nose, a miserable little sound escaping him.   
Disappeared? the fox thought again, perplexed and now somewhat skeptical.   
"No one can just vanish into thin air. What just happened?"   
Rafael pushed himself to his feet slowly, still wiping his eyes. Had he dropped Alice in the strange storm that had surrounded them just before the door closed? Had he passed out on his feet and forgotten? Or had he been put under a spell?   
"Magic spells," Rafael spoke the words off-handedly, turning and taking a step towards the stairs . . .   
Darkness.   
Autumn sunlight touching the interior of the quiet home, a ferret with a plump belly tending to the dusting of the grand piano.   
Rafael was dreaming, and in his hand he held his journal. He dimly recalled that beasts aren't able to read in their dreams, but the pages burned with ocher light, warming an arm he couldn't feel.   
He watched more of the scene unfold, but he desperately wanted to open the book . . .   
Melia took it upon herself to go into the kitchen and pour a glass of lemonade, and when she stepped across the room the fox followed her, feeling just as she did: Joyous, rested, content... So proud.   
Jack was in the kitchen, and he took her in his arms and held her tight, lifting her up and swinging her around the room. She managed to laugh between assaults of excited, silly kisses from her husband and playfully shoved him away.   
"How's my lovely M?" Jack asked, eyes bright and alert. He was a strong ferret, and had built his house with his own paws. He had made everything his, through hard work and honesty. There was nothing he couldn't have now, but he would gladly throw it all away for her...  
"Just fine, my dear." Melia nodded slowly, selecting a glass from the cupboard. "Something you wanted to say?"   
"What I say everyday, M," Jack said, stepping forward to hold her one more time.   
"I love you."   
Chapter 1: If it was so   
"GET IT OUT OF ME! GOD'S CROSS GET THIS THING OUT OF . . ."   
The words crashed Rafael into a coma, but then he was falling up again. Higher and higher he went, until he was sitting in the dining room, dressed in a formal suit and snazzy shoes. He even had a top hat, and he felt quite witty and pompous. His eyes were made of marble, however, and he could only hear Melia gasp, a sharp hiss escaping between her lips.   
Someone was showing him this, making him into something or pulling his strings in hopes of making some kind of impression.   
"I'll have another, good woman," he said (?), and he was laughing as blood splattered across the table. There was no one else in the room except the doctor and the happy couple. This was expected, this event, but things were going wrong. Rafael told himself to stop laughing, tried to be or become himself again, but someone was forcing his initial reactions, trying to tell him it was all right. You hait me now I no it! You think Im uglee n stoopd I hait my slef   
The words jumped out at the fox from the blurred pages as he leaned against the banister. He was now dressed in his normal clothes, but that hardly mattered: Alice was writing something in his journal, the words scribbled pawlessly right before his very eyes. His breath came in short gasps, and he thought he was going to pass out.   
He had never been so frightened in his entire life. You were mie frend but now Im uglee and you doent care abowt me!   
"Alice!" Rafael called to the book, but that felt... insane.  
"What are you talking about? Just get back here so we can leave this place!" was all he could come up with, was what seemed to pour out of him. Doent go up thu stares...   
"But I have to go up the stairs," Don said mechanically, in some kind of trance now. He was screaming "stop" in the back of his mind, but it was a small and weak thing as his foot paws planted themselves slowly and deliberately, one after the other, step by step.   
The door.   
The portal to the room with the lighted window, the one they had seen from the woods.   
Was this a dream right now? Or was the air he was breathing really supporting him? It certainly tasted real.   
The knob. Peripheral vision moving way too fast, ears roaring unimaginable pain and misery. Flesh on metal, frozen to the touch, to the heart.   
Then he was opening the door and walking into the lighted room, courtesy of an oil lamp on the night stand. The doctor's paws were covered in crimson, and his face was contorted into a mask of shock and hopelessness, beads of perspiration running down his whiskers. Jack was there, wide eyed, clutching Meria, whispering every prayer he knew.   
And his wife was destroyed. Her body a broken rag doll on the bed, lying in every undesirable bodily fluid known. Screaming, cursing the heavens.   
Cheated, raped and tortured by fate. All her life she had been blessed with good fortune, and now this!   
It was her hatred and wrath that hit Rafael in the face, not her agony or sorrow.   
The doctor knew what he was doing, everything had looked fine, better than expected for nine months, couldn't have been more promising, couldn't wish for more in the world . . .   
But this was happening, and not one cry was heard when Alice was born. Not one breath, one heartbeat.   
"Alice!" Rafael screamed, realizing what he was witnessing. The child was very small and still, lifeless. Meria was crying, near death, and Jack was a beast of sweat and tears, broken for the first time in his life.   
As the doctor was apologizing, Rafael fell forward, leaving his body, straight at the silent face of the ferret he had come to know as something alive.   
It opened its eyes, black sockets brought to life by its mother's bitterness, her inhuman love and obsession. A ghost, but not, able to touch but with no life in its blood, bones. An animated mortal, with no soul and a mere half-life to endure.   
"An aging ghost?" Rafael breathed, and all was white, oblivion.   
*   
Alice walked towards Rafael from out of the void, slowly coming into solidity, breaking away from the background as she got closer. She couldn't look him in the eye, deeply ashamed of her condition. Don wanted to tell her that he didn't care, that he'd still be her friend, but he wasn't allowed to speak in this place.   
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Alice said, and her voice startled the fox. It was small, timid, barely audible.   
Rafael tried to speak again, but he was mute.   
"This is my place," the dibbun explained. "I'm the first one here. It's the only place where things like me can rest."   
And then the gypsy felt it: Some kind of sickness was killing him, an alien disease that recognized him as an anomaly.   
"I wanted to say good bye." Alice said, and made a sign with her paw to push him back from wherever he came from.   
"No." Rafael tried to say, but it was in his head.   
It was then that he figured a way to speak to the child.   
'No, Alice.' He forced the words out into the air, willed them this time.   
'I won't leave without you. You'll have to kill me.'   
"I'm not in control of this!" Alice was alarmed now, motioning to the surrounding nothingness.   
"Don't stay here!" and the invisible hand pressed on him again. He found he could withstand it, and he stayed put, waiting for the worst.   
"Why?" Alice finally asked, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm dead."   
"And you're alive, too." Rafael gasped, black spots flashing before his eyes.  
"To me you are. I don't understand it entirely, but I..."   
The fox stumbled and fell, suddenly finding it a wonderful idea to lie down and take a nap.   
Alice hurried to his side and caught him as he went down on one knee, head hanging loosely to one side. She held on to him, pressing her tear stained face into his shoulder.   
"If I leave, I'll never be able to come back," she cried, now torn between the two worlds.   
"Then... I'm sorry I didn't want to leave here without you," Rafael couldn't believe he could still speak.   
"Why, Raf?" Alice asked one more time, and at that moment she seemed ages older than him.   
"Because you gave up on me without permission." The fox smiled crookedly, and he finally passed out...   
*   
Sometimes we never know what we had until we get sick of it. And the saddest thing is that's when we can't let go of it, because it's become a part of us. When it was young, when it was new and full of possibilities and new avenues, we never stopped to think if we had yet another layer of innocence to lose, even after years of turmoil and triumphs. That is what innocence is: Our stepping stones, there to hit us in the back of the head after they breaks.   
* October 3rd, 167 AE (after Eden) It seems to be my luck It bleeds for me, sees My sword of omens, my beautiful coffin nail Over and over the flower turns Over and under my face burns Over and yonder I see them run away Over and above, over it   
  
Rafael smiled and closed his journal, in too good of a mood for this latest entry of gibberish to cloud his thoughts. The sun was out, and the sights and smells of the surrounding forest lifted his spirits.   
It was midmorning, and Alice was out looking for something to eat again. They had survived the house, the house full of tarnished memories, things that clung to the walls like hellish ticks.   
Don shuddered at the memory, but it was only a fleeting thing. Alice, with the help of her friend, had been able to put some of it behind her, after seven years of wandering in the background of the living.   
The dibbun was her old self again: Mute, childish, and incredibly shy. Whatever she had been in the White Place was dead, whatever had been talking through her.   
She had written a little bit in Rafael's journal about the experience: Im a ded beest that breeths but nou wer frends! Thanx for helpeeg me Raf!   
Don read the words again and laughed . . . Him helping someone else? The very thought seemed preposterous, but at the sight of Alice skipping back to him through the trees with a basket of blackberries tucked under her arm, grinning from ear to ear, he thought it might not be so preposterous after all.  
  
Don, Deconstructed  
  
Chapter 8.23: Living the Ride  
  
'Is my nostalgia a product of my insomnia?'  
The words seemed to come to Rafael Don as if in a dream like state as he sat upright on a barren plain, hard tufts of yellow grass underneath him. The tundra rolled away to the north, and a tall sea of pines and a scattered assortment of maple trees stood silent and exhausted in the distant east, the autumn air locking away what green it could. It had just begun, but winter would always come at an unwanted time.  
"Here she comes . . ." the gypsy sighed, for the moment at peace. As always, he believed he did not deserve this, understood that the very thought was absurd: The sun favored no one. It would change its course for nothing.  
And yet... The little fox was comforted by its flawless consistency, its predictable yet reassuring schedule. To him, it was one of the only things he could count on, one of the only things that he couldn't mess up. Rafael had stayed up all night, stomach growling, dazed, and lonely. He should have slept, but he had wanted to witness the sunrise. So what if he wanted this? Who was to say he was weak, sentimental?  
Himself? He had plenty of ugly things to say to himself, but even that lance was getting dull. He found he couldn't live on self-loathing. And revenge or hatred hadn't been much of a motivation either. What did he want? Or even worse, he feared . . . did he even want at all?  
He pushed these old musings out of his mind for the moment, letting the sun wash over him. She fought through solid, gray cloud, but she still managed to stab a few rays onto the field. The sky was insane, just massive. The world was built to kill the beasts that loved it, and time was its weapon. It even killed itself, everyday.  
Rafael wanted to cry, could feel it bubbling up, but nothing came in the end. His moment of nostalgia was over. He got up slowly and glanced at the sun one last time...  
  
*  
  
September 18th, 167 AE (After Eden)  
  
Fill me up, put me into a gallop  
Will I find the secret?  
And is this my heart that I touch?  
Pealing and funny looking  
And the secret  
The secret...  
I've been waiting here for years...  
But I'm the first, I'm asleep again  
And I missed it again  
  
Rafael put aside the journal he carried, disgusted. He was supposed to be keeping track of what was going on, so he could go back over it in the future. Once again his mind went slippery, and all that came out was nonsense. He could never touch parchment without twisting it somehow, and the little book was filled with psycho babble. It scared him at first, interested and excited him next, then it became irritating.  
Since morning, Rafael had made his way all the way east to the outskirts of the forest, walking at his usual halting pace. Hopefully, there'd be something edible in the woods; he was starving.  
The fox had stopped just along those outskirts to write something down, something about the sun, but it immediately collapsed.  
"Why am I still carrying this thing?" Don asked out loud, holding up the journal in a weak paw for further scrutiny, but only for a moment. He quickly tucked it back in his haversack, which was depressingly empty. He carried no weapon, and what little food he acquired he ate on the go.  
"I'm a glutton." Rafael mumbled, but he was as thin as a twig. Contradictory, irrelevant. Today was starting out nicely.  
In the nameless forest, the young fox turned this way and that, haphazardly pushing through thick fern and weed. Sometimes he would find a more friendly passage, but it would never last long. The trees towered over him and he felt smaller than he actually was. Even their piney smell could not comfort him. The leaves rustled softly in a subtle breeze, and they sounded like the ocean.  
Even the sun made it through the clouds and tree tops, passing through and reflecting off gold, brown, red, and fire orange, illuminating the forest floor with brilliant colors.  
Rafael found it very beautiful, and he couldn't help but stop and rest by an old sycamore. He was still a bit hungry, but maybe he could escape his depression for a time.  
He was dozing off again. He noticed, but he didn't even try to stop himself from falling asleep this time. At least maybe he wouldn't be stuck in 'neutral' for a few moments.  
Over an hour passed before he awoke in the fog. In no time at all, the entire atmosphere had changed. The sun was gone, and it seemed that the very forest had been replaced with something else, something more hostile.  
  
Hadn't he fallen asleep by a sycamore?  
Rafael turned around and saw that he was leaning against the same kind of tree, but it seemed different. It was colder, too, and the silence was oppressive.  
"Of course," the fox concluded for himself, getting up, "If I'm not dead, I still have to live in a world where it seems that way."  
The gypsy had only taken two steps forward when something hit him on the top of his head. He blinked once, rubbing the spot between his ears. He was not seriously hurt. Whatever it was hadn't killed him, so he'd still need to find food.  
As the fox shuffled away from the sycamore, another tiny object came sailing overhead, this time pelting him in the ear. He turned just in time to see the missile bounce away into the foliage.  
An acorn, Rafael thought mechanically. Even his mind was going weak. He should get something to eat.  
"You sure can take a walloping!" A reedy voice sang through the trees. It was coming from somewhere above, but Rafael merely stood idle and replied in no particular direction.  
"Why the harassment? I'm not one to bother with." The fox mustered up something he hoped sounded like annoyance.  
This was, however, pretty exciting compared to most of his days.  
"Just teasing you, fox boy. An old geezer like me is still entitled to a little sport, eh?"  
Now the trickster appeared, nimbly jumping across two distant branches, swinging upside down once and propelling himself through the air again, this time landing deftly in front of Rafael. The fox backed up a step, impressed by such a dramatic display of agility.  
It was an old squirrel, covered from ears to tail in silver fur, but he moved like water, ice blue eyes sizing the fox up. The tree jumper was very old, Don figured after a better look, and there was some luster in his features that had been tarnished over the long seasons. The fox imagined that the squirrel might have been quite roguish in his youth, a born adventurer.  
Brandishing a reckless smile, the squirrel walked right up to him and offered his paw.  
"I'm Gareth Riggs, but you can call me Riggs."  
"Good day to you, sir," Rafael found his voice after a moment, shaking paws, "I'm Rafael Don. Pleased to meet you."  
Riggs smiled again, crossing his arms and staring at the fox.  
An awkward silence followed and Rafael thought he was supposed to say something. Nothing came to mind, so he fidgeted with his tail brush for a second and finally said, "It was nice meeting you. I'll be going now."  
"Now?" Gareth Riggs asked, feigning puzzlement. What a strange beast, Rafael thought. The squirrel scratched his whiskers, as if making a tough decision.  
"You remind me of someone I knew once." The squirrel mused, tapping an ear.  
"What..." Rafael began, but the rickety elder waved him to silence.  
"Enough reminiscing. It gives me gas," Riggs announced, patting his tummy. "You've been caught trespassing and you must pay the penalty."  
"But I have no money," Rafael said tiredly, holding up his paws to show it, "I have nothing you can use either. All I have is this book..."  
"God, you ARE a meek little thing. Stand up straight, friend, I was only joshing. You're very passive for a fox." Riggs dropped the act for a moment, shaking his head sadly, "You do realize I'm very old, right? How could I force something from you?"  
"I don't know..." Rafael answered, and he felt he really should be going. This was a goodbeast, and he probably would do better off without a vermin around.  
"I mean you no harm," Don finished, trying to walk away again, "I'll just be..."  
"I know you mean no harm, fox-face." Riggs barked, but he was moving to intercept the youth, "I was just going to say that the penalty was having to spend the evening in my drey, stuffing yourself on bread and cheese and getting drunk on cheap wine. I was going to see if you wanted something to eat. I don't get many visitors out here. In fact..." the squirrel paused, eyeing the fox, "What ARE you doing out here? Nobeast comes around this place. It's very boring."  
"I was just walking around." Rafael said, and he really was.  
Riggs looked even more confused.  
"You're... walking around?" the squirrel spoke as if he were talking to a crazy beast, "Well, do you want to 'walk' over to my drey? It's not far from here."  
"Is that okay?" Rafael asked, frowning. "I'm a vermin, sir. Plus, I'm not a very lucky beast."  
"The vermin thing I can live with," Riggs said, winking broadly, "Luck? I got enough of that for both of us. Follow me, Mr. Gloom and Doom."  
And with that, the squirrel was up a nearby tree like a shot, pausing high up to call down to him.  
"Just keep your eye on me, friend. I'll stop every now and then so you can catch up."  
Rafael nodded and started forward.  
Another fortunate thing for him and nothing clicks inside. He couldn't help but smile slightly, though. It felt good to be around someone friendly, and the youth hoped he would make a better impression at the drey.  
  
Chapter Negative 205: Intermissions Make Us  
  
Rain.  
It started coming down in sheets as the fox and his new guide stole through the brooding woodlands. They reached the drey just before it got really bad, and Rafael looked up in dismay: There didn't appear to be any way to get to the squirrel's home. Not even a rope was hanging around.  
"Hm... Sorry friend. Forgot you couldn't climb straight up the side of a tree. Let's see what we can do about that."  
And with that, Riggs was out of sight and into the little drey. Rafael waited, shuffling from paw to paw anxiously, getting soaked in the downpour. After a minute, the squirrel's furry little head poked back into view.  
"Catch!" Riggs called, and a rope ladder came tumbling down.  
"Thanks." Rafael answered, fumbling with the ropes for a second. He then proceeded to climb up to the tree house, going paw over paw self- consciously.  
"Are we taking our time?" Gareth said impatiently. "I think a mole could have made that climb faster than you."  
"I've never climbed a tree before," Rafael said as he made it to the top, having a little trouble finding his feet again near the edge.  
"Again, I'm kidding," Riggs sighed, coiling the ladder as he did. "Have a seat over there by the hearth. I'll have a fire going and then I'll set up this little cot for you. Then it's on to the food!"  
  
*  
  
In the next several minutes Rafael was wolfing down a warm loaf of bread and some cheese by a large window, the rain running down the glass, distorting the surrounding forest. They sat at a wooden table of simple design, and the squirrel's home was warm and cozy.  
Riggs had even come up with some peaches, a fruit the fox had never tried.  
"This is wonderful," Don beamed, wiping sweet juice from his chin with the back of his sleeve. "You're a very generous beast, Riggs. Thank you so much for this."  
The squirrel scoffed at that, turning away quickly to hide his embarrassment.  
"You were just hungry," Riggs grunted, "You'll get over it."  
"How long have you lived here?" Rafael wondered out loud, having finished his meal.  
"Had enough, bushtail?"  
"Yes, thank you," Rafael nodded, feeling a little of that morning's nostalgia returning. Why couldn't life be like this all the time? Why couldn't everyone in the world live without want? With love, with no past, with half the day lost in daydreams and boredom?  
Don had nothing to say for the moment, lost in his own thoughts, so Riggs spoke up.  
"To answer your question, I've been here for 29 years. I'm 60 years old."  
"So you've been here for almost half your life?" Rafael asked.  
"Yup, basically," Gareth answered, picking at something in his teeth absently. "I used to be a warrior, an adventurer. I even had some very close friends I wandered the world with, but that was an even longer time ago, long before I came here."  
"What happened to them?" Rafael asked. "Are they still around?"  
"No," Riggs said, shaking his head. Something in the way the squirrel carried himself now told the fox he shouldn't press the subject further, but he couldn't help himself. He really wanted to know.  
"Are they gone? Were they your best friends?"  
Riggs looked up and their eyes met. An energy, an emotion Rafael couldn't quite understand was reflected upon him, and he suddenly felt all mixed up inside.  
"I'm sorry. I was just curious," the fox stammered, still not quite sure what to make of the squirrel's strange expression.  
Riggs eyes seemed to come back into focus after a second. He blinked.  
"Eh? Oh, I was just remembering something."  
"Are you gonna fart?" Rafael asked, trying a small laugh.  
"Um... what?" Riggs asked, raising an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"You said reminiscing gave you gas." Rafael pointed out, now feeling very embarrassed over the stupid joke.  
Riggs stared blankly at his guest for a moment, then suddenly grinned.  
"Oh... heh heh. I did say that, didn't I?" The squirrel said, chuckling at the ridiculous thought.  
"Yeah, heh, I was thinking that was so weird when you said it," Rafael added, stifling a giggle.  
Riggs went to say something more, but he found himself laughing at the fox, who in turn couldn't help but join in.  
"Ha ha ha! What the heck were you talking about?" Riggs gasped, nearly falling out of his chair.  
"I don't know! It's... Hah ha har! Just something I say! I never thought it... ha ha! Could be funny!"  
  
*  
  
Later on, the two friends sat at the hearth, reclining in a couple of old leather chairs. It was getting late, but they were still exchanging life stories.  
"So Kor comes out of the redwood, and there's Ethane, holding a big rock over his head," Riggs said, staring into the fire lazily. Rafael, however, was on the edge of his seat.  
"Did it work? Was Ethane able to kill the badger with a stone?" the youth asked.  
"Of course," Riggs winked, "I'm here now, aren't I?"  
"And Olim and his family were okay?"  
"Yup, and they even gave Ethane a sword, but that's another story for later," Riggs said, yawning. The elder really should be going to bed.  
"But can you tell me about the sword tomorrow?" Rafael asked hopefully, "And Ethane... I wanted to hear more about him, too. I wish I could have met him."  
Riggs smiled kindly and got up out of his chair.  
"I'm sure he would have wanted to meet you too, Rafael," the squirrel said, making his way over to his small bed.  
"Get some sleep now. You'll need it for a hearty breakfast tomorrow."  
"Breakfast too? That's awesome!" Rafael said, but quickly stopped himself.  
"Er, I'm sorry if, like... I'm eating all your food. I'm gonna be on my way tomorrow, so I can..." Rafael paused again, finding the ending to that sentence perfectly confusing.  
"I... I don't know," Don continued. "I'll do something... I always do."  
Riggs stared at the strange fox for several seconds, perplexed, somewhat concerned.  
"Okay... whatever you want to do, Rafael. Good night," the squirrel finally said.  
"Right, good night, Riggs," Don said, shaking his head, "Sorry, I'll just go to sleep."  
  
*  
  
'This is a good place...'  
Lying on the cot, in the warm dark, covered in a big blanket, Rafael couldn't remember the last time he had felt so safe. If only he could forget the rain, the failures. Even here, in a different world, he saw and heard the sneering faces, lived so many lives and ideas that ran him over. He was never in competition, never in the right.  
His mind was racing, fighting itself again, and he couldn't sleep.  
'I could stay here, forget everything.' Rafael used it as a weapon to get the demons out of his skull. 'I don't have a past. I'm not a gypsy. I'm not a thief. I'm done... I'm so done.'  
Tossing and turning. Nothing could calm him down. What was wrong with him? He wasn't sad, and the memories didn't altogether kill him, so what?  
He wanted to stay, to just be friends with Riggs and work around the drey or something. What do you expect? The fox had been crawling through the filth and folly for God knew how long, and each day brought more holes, more things to forget.  
'I'll just ask if I can,' the fox thought, sighing deeply. 'I don't wanna be alone anymore. I don't care anymore. I just wanna be me, and if the world doesn't like it then it can get lost.'  
The sun . . .  
The sky, the earth.  
It was something he loved, but he had to stop romanticizing about childish things. There is no adventure, no maidens or dragons or happy endings. The world was what you make of it, and there was no such thing as destiny.  
  
Chapter Infinite: Jaya Would Know  
  
September 25th, 167 AE (After Eden)  
  
She was so beautiful she was so much more  
She was a gash in my lungs and I fought you  
All day I'm singing for a piece  
Running from mirrors and clutching joy  
Waiting for magic and counting to five  
Very refreshing  
Very reliable  
No one  
  
Rafael had hurt himself again. He would have died, but he was a coward... Or acting like one again. How could one be a coward if one had no real fear?  
After burying Gareth Riggs the next morning, after the fox had decided to ask if he could stay at the drey, Rafael fell off the ladder when climbing back up to get his journal. He had written something in it, in his sleep this time.  
The squirrel had passed away in his sleep.  
This is going to hurt, Rafael told himself just before he hit the ground. He would never know if he had done it on purpose. He had decided to take his book and leave without taking any of his former friend's supplies. The very thought of 'robbing' the squirrel sickened him, but he knew he was being sentimental and illogical again. Riggs would have wanted him to have everything, even the drey.  
"No," Rafael breathed as he slammed into the ground, and the wind flew out of him. Had he done that on purpose as well? Was he trying to kill himself?  
He lay there a long time. Either he could continue merging with the ground, until he truly died, or he could test himself for broken bones.  
For some reason, he did eventually rise, and he was fortunate not to have broken anything.  
Now, six days later, after just closing the little book after making another entry, he opened the journal again, turning back one page to see what he had written on the night of the 18th.  
  
(unintelligible scribbling at the top of the page)  
  
I'm dancing  
I'm screaming  
I'm bleeding  
  
"Eden." Rafael slammed the book closed, fighting tears. He had cried at the burial, but he couldn't do that again. He had to get away...  
It wasn't his fault, but it was, again, always.  
What a strange life. A good memory, a strong drink, and a lot of heartache. The fox pushed himself to his feet, brushing pine needles out of his tail and britches. It was a good thing that Riggs died. The squirrel would have been stuck with keeping company with the wreck, the nomad.  
"God keep you and Eden watch over you, Riggs," Rafael said to the surrounding forest, now miles into nowhere  
  
*  
  
"Hey Jaya."  
"Hey Rafael."  
The lemur was flying around at light speed, passing through trees and giving off beams of white luminance.  
Hallucinations usually never lasted this long or have... sound. Rafael held up a paw to defend himself, but the thing was everywhere at once, and soon it 'became' other things.  
"I'm obsessed with you? Or myself, my trials?" Rafael gave chase, trying to focus on the forest floor, trying to keep what little balance he still had.  
"Oh wait... I haven't eaten anything or slept in almost ten days. That must be it." The fox stopped running. He chuckled as the angel of light did a little jig, but that was about all the amusement he got out of it for now.  
His body then shut down, and he fell on his face, muzzle buried in the dead leaves. He breathed them in, and he hugged himself, but he was dying.  
"Jaya." He spoke the name, trying to regain his strength. He was never one to commit suicide, and the least he could do was not lie to himself.  
Jaya, his one true friend, the one who had helped him. A stranger, with no reason to be kind. The lemur had taught him that he couldn't stand by as another was hurt or persecuted, and that those in power bothered him. These things shouldn't be kept inside, from what he understood with the help of his old friend. How had she done it? By simply being herself? She had taught him through example, and whatever else about her that drew him to her.  
Rafael was no hero, but you didn't have to be if you felt you needed to do the right thing. This was one quality he could be proud of, if he had had any pride in the first place.  
"Riggs?" the fox asked, perplexed despite himself.  
The old squirrel was visible dark matter, but how could he be seen but not? Rafael stared, squinted even, but he could only 'figure' what he saw...  
Or didn't.  
Don slapped the cold soil once in frustration, trying to rise. Somewhere in the back of his mind he imagined normal beasts could channel the dead if starved or deprived of sleep enough, and that this was his discovery.  
'I should write a book,' Rafael snorted, stumbled, found himself bracing himself against a tree. His colors bled, and all he could see was red and green.  
"Oh... poop," He moaned, finally tripping and falling, the ground coming at him slowly. He didn't even feel the impact. Just a low, distant roar, possibly coming from his deadened ears.  
The journal. It swallowed him, made his fur brittle, flammable. And his eyes were watery and he wanted to make a speech, a difference. Write something to comfort himself, to be proud of and hide from others, others who wanted to know everything about him, to follow him and bug him, and he'd shyly tell them to go away.  
So he could die, so he could let the ocean fill his lungs and suffer one last headache.  
Just one...  
  
Chapter Condescending: Cotton Monsters  
  
September 26th, 167 AE (After Eden)  
  
Hi I'm Alice and I'm a ferret and I'm gave you some water and a some bread get better soon  
  
Alice~  
  
Pulsing, pounding, misery.  
Just perfect misery and nausea. What a wonderful thing to wake up to. And the sunlight. It was like a sledgehammer to Rafael's frontal lobe.  
"What..." the fox grunted, feeling for his... Something, anything. He wouldn't be surprised if his legs were gone. Despite all his disorientation, he could have sworn he had eaten something recently. And slept, if passing out and almost dying could be counted as such. He was still hungry, but he wasn't in the mood to recover just yet. He was embarrassed again for his stubbornness, his refusal to take care of himself.  
It wasn't that hard, for Eden's sakes.  
"Hello there," Rafael hummed, feeling suddenly giddy and light headed. His paw touched the journal and he picked it up, eyeing the next page.  
Somebeast had written something in it, somebeast named 'Alice.' So that was it: All he had to do was try killing himself and a new friend would come along.  
"Nifty." Don shrugged, his amusement gone.  
  
*  
  
That same day Rafael found something else: As the trees around him began to recede, he came to another baron plain, a plethora of rolling hills, short, dying shrubbery and flat slabs of rock jutting out of the earth. He made his way along a little faster now, free of cumbersome root and the occasional thorn.  
He spotted the dilapidated little wagon huddled in one of the lower fields, a few dead, nameless trees standing here and there. At first he could have sworn somebeast was inside, but after a closer look he saw that much of the wood was dark, rotting, and the axle was busted. There was no horse, of course, and whoever had owned the vehicle was long gone...  
He shifted his pace and started drifting over to the enigma, unable to stunt his fascination.  
Hey, there could be food in there.  
The tent that covered the top of the wagon was drawn closed, so when the fox reached the rear he reached up to pull the fold back.  
"Uneh!"  
It was a short, primitive threnody, a broken piece of a song, but it was enough to scare the pants off the gypsy. He whirled around, the potentials in the wagon forgotten. The tundra rolled outward, the same scattered trees and stones staring back, almost shrugging at him.  
Rafael stood still, trying to control his breathing. He backed up a little, bumping into the wagon as he did.  
"Who... Whose there?" Don called, searching his person for a weapon that wasn't there. There was no answer at first. Just an aloof breeze, playing his tattered cloak. The havvy sack felt heavy on his shoulder, and he wondered if he could use it to defend himself.  
Another sound, this time a tiny bark of acknowledgement.  
Coming out from behind a blasted thing of a tree, a small, brown eyed dibbun shuffled into view, several yards away. It was a ferret, a female with a plain, blue dress.  
The newcomer made no sound, only staring at Rafael with conflicting interest.  
Don relaxed some, finding no threat in a child. He returned the stare, somewhat indignant, then turned around to continue his investigation.  
'Funny how I could be startled by a dibbun.' The fox mused, again reaching for the flap.  
This time there was no sudden sound that stopped him, but he could sense the ferret had moved. It was padding towards him, probably trying to sneak up on him. Rafael let his paw fall and turned around purposefully, finding the child now standing only fifteen or so yards away.  
"Hey, what do you want?" Rafael asked, "I don't have any food. If I find some in here, I'll give you some or whatever, but then you should go back to your parents."  
The ferrets eyes widened urgently, and she pointed to her throat. She then pointed at the wagon.  
"You can't speak?" Rafael asked, raising an eyebrow, "So... Like, you can understand me, but you can't talk back. What do you want with the cart?"  
The dibbun adopted a pleading demeanor, chancing another step forward.  
"I dunno what you want. Just give me a second." Rafael told her, determined not to be distracted this time. The fox turned and proceeded to tug on the flap.  
He caught a glimpse of a few traveling blankets and a severed head for one, incomprehensible blip in reality, then the dibbun was right behind him...  
He glanced back, half realizing what he had just seen, then the small wooden rear gate was smashed into splitters by a tremendous force, and then the whole wagon was being pulverized, just hammered and slashed to bits.  
Rafael was knocked back by a sickeningly heavy... Claw, or a paw maybe, but it was connected to some kind of shapeless cotton flush. Insect like pincers drove into the earth, and the monster seemed to be bursting out of the wagon like a cocoon.  
The gypsy was struck again, and this time he was flying away from the creature, right over the ferrets head. He felt like someone had torn his chest wide open, and he was sure that when he landed he'd find that his rib cage was at least completely mutilated.  
The dibbun was running after him, on the verge of tears. She was at his side before he was done tumbling over again, her previous inhibitions gone.  
Rafael stared up into the sky, eyes wide as saucers, suffering from some kind of massive shock. He was breathing hard, trying to feel for injures. Surprisingly, impossible, there was no blood. He was just badly beaten.  
The ferret was pulling on him and making half signs with her free paw, all the while expressing extreme fear and concern.  
"I can't..." Rafael gasped, stars suddenly exploding in his vision. He felt like he had been ran over by a horse.  
The dibbun did her best to help him stand, and when he did they watched in silent awe and horror as the last of the vehicle flew apart in all directions. A hulking, headless juxtapose of tangled white hair and stabbing black exoskeleton attacked the earth and the air, seeming to be wanting to expand even further, until it consumed everything.  
It looked like a weird, berserk demon sheep thing, but with a huge, twisted body and scorpion-like arms and legs. None of the limbs were proportionate to each other, and the monster moved about in an unorthodox manner.  
Rafael stumbled back, but after a moment he saw that this strange, unexplainable thing couldn't follow him, much less come towards him. It could move at will, but it didn't seem to have any control at all.  
Never the less, he half stumbled away, clumsily conveying that he wanted help from the dibbun. The two walked away for as long as they could, until they could start running.  
  
  
Scene 5: Walk with Thee*   
"I think I need to be admitted to a clinic*." Rafael mumbled, now walking east. Beyond the rolling hills, the gypsy was in heavy timbers again, and the cover helped him calm down. The day was almost done, and there was a peaceful silence all around. Even the birds had retired early. The leaves were still, the wind nary a slight breeze.   
"I mean, I'm crazy, right?" the fox was hardly talking to the ferret, but he might as well have been.   
"That thing I saw. It couldn't have been real. I must have been hallucinating again."   
Alice tugged on his sleeve, pointing to herself stubbornly.   
"Okay, so maybe you saw it too, but what was that thing?"   
The two had shared an exchange awhile ago, after they were sure they were far enough away from what Rafael was now calling "The Demon Sheep." Rafael had tried to get her to go away. He didn't hate her, but he was more than sure that it wasn't safe for such a young beast to be traveling with a misfit with no direction. Alice in turn had nearly threw a fit, beseeching the fox to let her come along.   
"But I can't take care of you!" Don had finally said, nearly shouting with frustration, "What about your parents? I'm sure they could..."   
But Alice only looked away, crying softly. She pointed back in the direction they had come, back to where the monster had been...   
"Oh... I'm sorry." Rafael stopped, now undecided.   
"Eden above, Alice... I'm really sorry, but I can't help you. Don't cry, please." And the fox kneeled down so they were face to face.   
"There's nothing I can do to help you. Besides, you were the one that helped ME in the beginning. Twice now you've saved my life. Now, do you think I could really help you?"   
By answering, the dibbun threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.   
"Silly beast." Rafael sighed, but he patted her on the back before he gently pushed her away.   
Now, Rafael was wondering what Alice saw in him. The dibbun was certainly introverted, to the point where she didn't go near anyone at all. They had passed by one family of rabbits and even a roaming mouse in the past few hours, and both times Alice had completely vanished, only to return after Rafael was alone again.   
When it was just the two of them, she would bound about, trying to play fight with him or throw pine cones at his back until he had to tell her he didn't want to play.   
"You're such a dork," he said, dodging a missile.   
The ferret grinned and skipped away, wandering off into the trees. * October 1st, 167 AE (after Eden) You're going to wait You're going to die Letters to mother Letters to forget No longer legibly or intelligibly or credible So much to give me, it's crumbly   
Rafael yawned as he sat on a fallen pine. He flipped through old pages in his book and read a few things over again, wondering if any of the entries could be connected some how. He had tried that before, but nothing had jumped out at him.   
Alice was off somewhere again, but she would always return. Sometimes the dibbun would even have food with her, but it was getting colder. Another few months and it would be winter. They would have to stop traveling if it became too dangerous.   
The pair were traveling east and slightly north, searching for a small village by the name of Ellenore. Rafael had heard about it a few nights ago after walking into a pack of roaming vermin's camp site. There were five of them and maybe a few others lurking in the shadows, and of course they had made to kill him. The gypsy had not resisted, to his assailant's surprise, and he explained that he didn't have anything to steal. After getting kicked around a little and roughly searched, the party snorted irritably and ignored him. Later, one of them spoke of a filthy little settlement in the east, a village that consisted of a tavern that doubled as an inn, a handful of homes, and an armory.   
The fox had considered traveling with them, even if he ended up being a fifth wheel. He didn't like the fact that he'd be accepted just because of his race, however, and he immediately realized that Alice would be frightened off if he started hanging with barbarians.   
Now, Alice was leading them, marching along purposefully, holding a willow reed aloft like a sword. The ground was soft and muddy, suggesting that they may be headed into some marsh lands or a swamp. The grass was dead yellow, tall, but the trees were covered in moss and dew.   
On and on they went, forgetting to stop and eat until well past midday. Rafael called to his strange friend and tossed her an apple, one of a few things Alice seemed to have a knack for finding. The dibbun caught it and put it away while Don stopped walking and leaned against a weeping willow, its lethargic vines falling all around them. He folded his paws and sighed, finding the night welcome so he could sleep.   
Ellenore could be a long way off or just a few miles ahead. Don wasn't sure at all which it could be, but at least there would be enough beasts there to ask about Jaya.   
His friend was a lemur, so surely someone could have seen her at one point.   
Alice soon noticed that she wasn't being followed again, and she walked back and tapped her footpaw impatiently at the fox.   
"What's the rush? Wherever we go you're not going to like it," Rafael said, stifling a yawn. "Go find a hiding place or something."   
The dibbun stopped tapping her foot and stared hurtfully at him, bottom lip quivering. The gypsy's words had stung her badly.   
"For heaven's sake, Alice," Rafael said hurriedly, trying to adopt an apologetic tone. "I didn't mean it like that. You just don't like a lot of other beasts, right?"   
The ferret turned away, staring off in no particular direction.   
"Hey, don't be like that..." Rafael said tiredly, kneeling and touching her head lightly. "I hate people too. They seem to hate me, you know."   
Alice turned and smiled hugely, nearly bowling the fox over with another hug.   
"Okay, you need to stop doing that," Rafael said, disentangling himself from the dibbun. "You don't need to act hurt or something if you want a hug. And people don't just hug each other all the time."   
In answer, Alice kicked the gypsy in the shin mischievously, skipping away again before he could do something about it.   
"Super dork!" Rafael called, but he was trying not to laugh.   
Alice danced back a few more paces, grinning foolishly, but in the next instant she stopped, standing still.   
"What..." Rafael asked, his voice trailing off at the sight of the child's blank expression.   
Alice's ears pricked up, her nose sniffing the breeze animatedly. It was then that she turned fearful eyes on the fox.   
Rafael glanced around, his ears twitching also... A wail? Somebeast was crying, it sounded like.   
"Someone's hurt," Don concluded, still concentrating on the sound. It was coming at them from the west, from behind.   
Was it the demon-thing again?   
No, that abomination hadn't made these sounds: So miserable, yearning, as if the creature or creatures were lost in a crippling hopelessness.   
The hair on the back of Rafael's neck stood on end suddenly, the crying turning into some kind of hateful grunting. Now the trees and bushes nearby could be heard taking abuse, and then there was a smell...   
"Aah, God!" the fox gasped, holding his nose. He stumbled towards Alice, motioning for them to get away. The dibbun needed no coaxing to run. She sped off east, straight into the thick vegetation, slowing every now and then to make sure Rafael hadn't fallen behind.   
Whatever the thing was that was behind them distilled a great fear in the friends, and they knew by instinct to flee.   
The crying again, this time frustrated, calling to them to come back. This frightened Rafael even more: The thing sounded a little more intelligent than the sheep-monster, and it could apparently move in any direction at will.   
The gypsy's breathing was coming in short gasps as he literally flew through the trees, sprinting as fast as he could. If it wasn't for Alice's smaller size and superior mobility, the fox would have passed her a long time ago.   
Rafael could hear the dibbun's breathing as well, see her frantic motions. They were both terrified, their adrenaline high, but if they didn't keep their wits they could end up crashing into a tree or twisting an ankle in a ditch. They didn't stop to hear if they were breaking away. Its shrieking was still audible, but they couldn't tell if it was getting closer...   
Rafael looked to his left, noticing that the forest was a little sparser from a short distance. He reached out and grabbed Alice's arm, steering her in the direction of the easier terrain. The two turned and stumbled through the foliage, still gasping and wide eyed. In the next moment they were moving a little faster, and Don believed they were going to get away.   
They made it all the way across the clearing and into heavy timbers again. Rafael stopped running, stalling into a jog. He chanced a look back. Alice noticed that she was in the lead, alone, and she waved at him frantically to continue.   
"Wait..." Rafael breathed, shaking all over, eyes riveted on the other side of the relief...   
Nothing.   
The fox's heartbeat was pounding in his ears, and it was hard to focus even on the slight breeze that stirred them, whispering in the trees overhead. The birds were gone. No sound, no life for miles around. Was this thing killing as it went? Had it killed those rats somewhere along the way? Or the other beasts he'd ran into?   
No, they hadn't stumbled upon it. Of course, any others who had found it had ran.   
One exhale... Rafael could taste the air. His vision slowed for a moment, as if the world he had been watching went into a slight lag. He half turned, glancing at Alice from the corner of his eye...  
And the thing came bounding into the dying sunlight, tumbling head over tail. It thrashed the lush forest floor, spotting them as its powerful claws propelled it forward.   
Alice gasped, a hoarse sound that seemed forced.   
Their pursuer looked like a horse, but with opposable thumbs. The head was soft, beautiful, like nothing they had ever seen. Its expression was twisted though, and it stared them down as it advanced.   
"I just want to hold you," the creature cooed, moving slower.   
It talks, was all Rafael could think, his horror complete now. He tore his eyes away from it, running after Alice again, wanting nothing more than to get away.   
"Wait! Do not go, fuzzy creatures! I want only to appease you!"   
The voice wailed on and on in their ears, becoming more hostile as they crashed along...   
*   
As night fell, the two were still running. It was amazing that they hadn't both died from sheer exhaustion. Rafael's breathing seemed to be coming automatically, and even Alice was slowing down.   
A light, a beacon pierced the black limbs like some kind of mirage. It couldn't have come at a better time.   
Not caring if the signal was friendly or otherwise, the ferret and the fox turned slightly north, the luminance that lanced through the shadows and doubt coming ever closer.  
It was a house, an old fashioned home complete with a wrap around porch and awnings. It was two stories, sprawling, and the light was coming from one of the windows upstairs.   
There were no other signs of life in the house.   
"I just want to hold you."   
Rafael shivered with dread. Whoever was in there had to let them in, or at least help them get rid of the unicorn impersonator.   
The fox stepped forward, but in the next instant Alice was tugging hard on his paw, refusing to let him get any closer to the house. The ferret's expression was frantic, desperate and more fearful than he had ever seen.   
"Let's go, Alice." Rafael found it easy to overpower the child, but he believed it to be a cruel thing to force her to go where she didn't want to.   
"We can hide in the house," Don tried to soothe her. "If there's someone there, I won't let them hurt you. I promise, Alice."   
But the dibbun wouldn't be swayed at all. She clung to him as hard as she could, and he couldn't move either way now.   
More howling, more thrashing. Their new friend could smell them, taste them in the air. There was something else about its movements that they could read now, something new...   
Glee?   
Was it them that excited it? Or the house?   
Rafael didn't want to die, but he wasn't going to force Alice to do anything. The fox kneeled, unsure if they only had a few more seconds now.   
"Please, Alice," the gypsy tried one last time. "If anyone tries to hurt you, I'll be right in front of you. Come on kid, let's just go in the house... For me?"   
The last statement felt like some kind of trick to him, and he hated the way it sounded, but for some reason it worked.   
The dibbun closed her eyes tight, standing perfectly still...  
"Alice..." Rafael said, realizing that she would not move on her own, no matter what he did. She would go, but not by her own accord.   
Rafael reached out and picked her up in his arms, making a mad dash for the front porch. It was then that their pursuer came into view again, seconds from destroying both of them if they had lingered longer. Rafael chanced one look back, making eye contact with pink spheres hooded in white sockets, its fierce joy the smell of a slow death.   
Alice was squeezing his neck now, making it hard for him to breath as he sprinted up the creaky, wooden stairs. He slammed his shoulder painfully into the door, calling out.   
"Help us! Let us in!"   
No answer, but when the fox freed a paw to test the knob, it gave. He didn't wait to see if someone would come to their aid.   
Into the warmth, sharp shadows and a staircase bathed in moonlight from the front windows.   
Grand dining room to the right, white table cloth, crystal. Dark, oppressive wallpaper, thorny, lush vines and ripe roses of the deepest red. Arched ceiling, chandelier, silver utensils set and napkins folded into swans, candles two to three feet tall.   
Empty living room to the left, polished wooden coffee tables, and a towering display case of cedar and flawless glass. A grandfather clock of massive splendor, pixies and elves carved into the hide, the face gold and pearl.   
A scream, something passing, frustrated.   
Rafael turned around in the doorway, still clutching Alice close to him. The wind billowed his cloak and played his fur wildly, and for a moment he stood in the center of a sanctuary and a black hole, but both had their own appeal...  
Get out of the house...   
The fox fought tears, suddenly overcome with a great sadness. Something had happened here.   
Get out of the house...  
The unicorn impersonator stepped onto the rich soil that was just beyond the porch, and its fingers cracked and burned in unseen flame, its knuckles busting.  
Get out of the house...  
Wanting to protect, wanting to save, the monster bled through its eyes, weeping for her lovely fuzzies.   
Rafael was in the entryway now, but he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there. The wind roared now, screaming, pummeling his ears and eyes.   
Rising... Something was happening inside the fox, something that he didn't want to see. The unicorn thing stood on its hind legs and wailed to the night sky, head swishing back and forth.   
Faster... Faster and faster and Rafael was swallowed by some kind of mindless maw, at the peak of...   
The fox's reality froze as the door slammed shut with a bang, but the world-jump had seemed as natural as one's first breath.   
Nothing.   
Nothing but the wooden floor boards and the plush carpet underneath him. Nothing but the same furniture, the same night and the same... Him.   
Rafael Don, compulsive thief and wandering misfit.   
All of his misery laid bare again, there to be explored again, as it always was.   
I hate this... he thought, and he tried to wrap his arms tighter around his only friend...   
But Alice was gone.   
Rafael had his arms up, holding thin air. He lowered them, disbelieving, and more than a little frightened.   
"Alice?" Rafael called, trying to sound calm, a quiet dread festering to a boil inside him.   
"Alice?!" the fox screamed, but already he was falling to his knees, having hardly searched the house at all. He couldn't help but believe that she was gone forever, and that there was no point in going to look for her.   
Rafael could feel her absence in his gut, his bones, like some kind of carnal instinct...  
But how could that be? One couldn't simply sense that someone was 'gone forever.'   
Or . . . Miles away? More than that?   
Rafael sat down with a bump and started to cry. He didn't care if he was safe from harm, protected by these silent walls. He should have thrown himself upon the acid soil (how had he crossed it in the first place?), or into the arms of the beast.   
He had wronged Alice, had made her disappear by entering this place she had not wanted to be in so badly.   
"Poor stupid me," Don gritted his teeth, trying to sound mad, focusing on what hatred he had for his lot to stop from bawling.   
"Riggs wouldn't have gone. Riggs would have..."   
But the mentioning of the friendly squirrel's name sent the fox off into more tears.   
Wait . . . Disappear? Rafael mused after a long time sitting there, licking his own tears from his lips dumbly. He wiped his nose, a miserable little sound escaping him.   
Disappeared? the fox thought again, perplexed and now somewhat skeptical.   
"No one can just vanish into thin air. What just happened?"   
Rafael pushed himself to his feet slowly, still wiping his eyes. Had he dropped Alice in the strange storm that had surrounded them just before the door closed? Had he passed out on his feet and forgotten? Or had he been put under a spell?   
"Magic spells," Rafael spoke the words off-handedly, turning and taking a step towards the stairs . . .   
Darkness.   
Autumn sunlight touching the interior of the quiet home, a ferret with a plump belly tending to the dusting of the grand piano.   
Rafael was dreaming, and in his hand he held his journal. He dimly recalled that beasts aren't able to read in their dreams, but the pages burned with ocher light, warming an arm he couldn't feel.   
He watched more of the scene unfold, but he desperately wanted to open the book . . .   
Melia took it upon herself to go into the kitchen and pour a glass of lemonade, and when she stepped across the room the fox followed her, feeling just as she did: Joyous, rested, content... So proud.   
Jack was in the kitchen, and he took her in his arms and held her tight, lifting her up and swinging her around the room. She managed to laugh between assaults of excited, silly kisses from her husband and playfully shoved him away.   
"How's my lovely M?" Jack asked, eyes bright and alert. He was a strong ferret, and had built his house with his own paws. He had made everything his, through hard work and honesty. There was nothing he couldn't have now, but he would gladly throw it all away for her...  
"Just fine, my dear." Melia nodded slowly, selecting a glass from the cupboard. "Something you wanted to say?"   
"What I say everyday, M," Jack said, stepping forward to hold her one more time.   
"I love you."   
Chapter 1: If it was so   
"GET IT OUT OF ME! GOD'S CROSS GET THIS THING OUT OF . . ."   
The words crashed Rafael into a coma, but then he was falling up again. Higher and higher he went, until he was sitting in the dining room, dressed in a formal suit and snazzy shoes. He even had a top hat, and he felt quite witty and pompous. His eyes were made of marble, however, and he could only hear Melia gasp, a sharp hiss escaping between her lips.   
Someone was showing him this, making him into something or pulling his strings in hopes of making some kind of impression.   
"I'll have another, good woman," he said (?), and he was laughing as blood splattered across the table. There was no one else in the room except the doctor and the happy couple. This was expected, this event, but things were going wrong. Rafael told himself to stop laughing, tried to be or become himself again, but someone was forcing his initial reactions, trying to tell him it was all right. You hait me now I no it! You think Im uglee n stoopd I hait my slef   
The words jumped out at the fox from the blurred pages as he leaned against the banister. He was now dressed in his normal clothes, but that hardly mattered: Alice was writing something in his journal, the words scribbled pawlessly right before his very eyes. His breath came in short gasps, and he thought he was going to pass out.   
He had never been so frightened in his entire life. You were mie frend but now Im uglee and you doent care abowt me!   
"Alice!" Rafael called to the book, but that felt... insane.  
"What are you talking about? Just get back here so we can leave this place!" was all he could come up with, was what seemed to pour out of him. Doent go up thu stares...   
"But I have to go up the stairs," Don said mechanically, in some kind of trance now. He was screaming "stop" in the back of his mind, but it was a small and weak thing as his foot paws planted themselves slowly and deliberately, one after the other, step by step.   
The door.   
The portal to the room with the lighted window, the one they had seen from the woods.   
Was this a dream right now? Or was the air he was breathing really supporting him? It certainly tasted real.   
The knob. Peripheral vision moving way too fast, ears roaring unimaginable pain and misery. Flesh on metal, frozen to the touch, to the heart.   
Then he was opening the door and walking into the lighted room, courtesy of an oil lamp on the night stand. The doctor's paws were covered in crimson, and his face was contorted into a mask of shock and hopelessness, beads of perspiration running down his whiskers. Jack was there, wide eyed, clutching Meria, whispering every prayer he knew.   
And his wife was destroyed. Her body a broken rag doll on the bed, lying in every undesirable bodily fluid known. Screaming, cursing the heavens.   
Cheated, raped and tortured by fate. All her life she had been blessed with good fortune, and now this!   
It was her hatred and wrath that hit Rafael in the face, not her agony or sorrow.   
The doctor knew what he was doing, everything had looked fine, better than expected for nine months, couldn't have been more promising, couldn't wish for more in the world . . .   
But this was happening, and not one cry was heard when Alice was born. Not one breath, one heartbeat.   
"Alice!" Rafael screamed, realizing what he was witnessing. The child was very small and still, lifeless. Meria was crying, near death, and Jack was a beast of sweat and tears, broken for the first time in his life.   
As the doctor was apologizing, Rafael fell forward, leaving his body, straight at the silent face of the ferret he had come to know as something alive.   
It opened its eyes, black sockets brought to life by its mother's bitterness, her inhuman love and obsession. A ghost, but not, able to touch but with no life in its blood, bones. An animated mortal, with no soul and a mere half-life to endure.   
"An aging ghost?" Rafael breathed, and all was white, oblivion.   
*   
Alice walked towards Rafael from out of the void, slowly coming into solidity, breaking away from the background as she got closer. She couldn't look him in the eye, deeply ashamed of her condition. Don wanted to tell her that he didn't care, that he'd still be her friend, but he wasn't allowed to speak in this place.   
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Alice said, and her voice startled the fox. It was small, timid, barely audible.   
Rafael tried to speak again, but he was mute.   
"This is my place," the dibbun explained. "I'm the first one here. It's the only place where things like me can rest."   
And then the gypsy felt it: Some kind of sickness was killing him, an alien disease that recognized him as an anomaly.   
"I wanted to say good bye." Alice said, and made a sign with her paw to push him back from wherever he came from.   
"No." Rafael tried to say, but it was in his head.   
It was then that he figured a way to speak to the child.   
'No, Alice.' He forced the words out into the air, willed them this time.   
'I won't leave without you. You'll have to kill me.'   
"I'm not in control of this!" Alice was alarmed now, motioning to the surrounding nothingness.   
"Don't stay here!" and the invisible hand pressed on him again. He found he could withstand it, and he stayed put, waiting for the worst.   
"Why?" Alice finally asked, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm dead."   
"And you're alive, too." Rafael gasped, black spots flashing before his eyes.  
"To me you are. I don't understand it entirely, but I..."   
The fox stumbled and fell, suddenly finding it a wonderful idea to lie down and take a nap.   
Alice hurried to his side and caught him as he went down on one knee, head hanging loosely to one side. She held on to him, pressing her tear stained face into his shoulder.   
"If I leave, I'll never be able to come back," she cried, now torn between the two worlds.   
"Then... I'm sorry I didn't want to leave here without you," Rafael couldn't believe he could still speak.   
"Why, Raf?" Alice asked one more time, and at that moment she seemed ages older than him.   
"Because you gave up on me without permission." The fox smiled crookedly, and he finally passed out...   
*   
Sometimes we never know what we had until we get sick of it. And the saddest thing is that's when we can't let go of it, because it's become a part of us. When it was young, when it was new and full of possibilities and new avenues, we never stopped to think if we had yet another layer of innocence to lose, even after years of turmoil and triumphs. That is what innocence is: Our stepping stones, there to hit us in the back of the head after they breaks.   
* October 3rd, 167 AE (after Eden) It seems to be my luck It bleeds for me, sees My sword of omens, my beautiful coffin nail Over and over the flower turns Over and under my face burns Over and yonder I see them run away Over and above, over it   
  
Rafael smiled and closed his journal, in too good of a mood for this latest entry of gibberish to cloud his thoughts. The sun was out, and the sights and smells of the surrounding forest lifted his spirits.   
It was midmorning, and Alice was out looking for something to eat again. They had survived the house, the house full of tarnished memories, things that clung to the walls like hellish ticks.   
Don shuddered at the memory, but it was only a fleeting thing. Alice, with the help of her friend, had been able to put some of it behind her, after seven years of wandering in the background of the living.   
The dibbun was her old self again: Mute, childish, and incredibly shy. Whatever she had been in the White Place was dead, whatever had been talking through her.   
She had written a little bit in Rafael's journal about the experience: Im a ded beest that breeths but nou wer frends! Thanx for helpeeg me Raf!   
Don read the words again and laughed . . . Him helping someone else? The very thought seemed preposterous, but at the sight of Alice skipping back to him through the trees with a basket of blackberries tucked under her arm, grinning from ear to ear, he thought it might not be so preposterous after all.   
  
Chapter 88: The Kleptomaniac's Corner  
  
"Have I told you the story about Eden?"  
Raf walked along in the nameless wood, brown maple leaves crunching under paw, a chill wind buffeting their cloaks and energizing them.  
Alice shook her head as she bounded over a fallen tree, doing a little tumble as the fox followed suit.  
"Well, it's sort of a love story..." Don continued, glancing here and there, taking in the peaceful scenes around them.  
"It's the story about how God fell in love."  
Alice rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry, much to the gypsy's amusement.  
"Heh heh... Not into love stories?" he asked, pitching a stray pine cone at the dibbun. The ferret dodged it, turned to walk backwards and kicked up a tuft of grass and needles.  
"Bah. Silly beast." Don scowled, but he was smiling.  
The forest was a blur of moving, breathing golds and timeless pines, mixed in with various shrub and moss covered root, a small paradise from the baron plains.  
Rafael continued.  
"God sat and watched as the humans and anims fought with the elves and dwarves, and he felt nothing, his eyes slowly closing... Then Michael, the High Priest of Edridorn, swept down from the hills of Hadrik, his king left with a slit throat on the cold stone floors of the throne room. He destroyed the humans, betrayed the anims, and purged the earth of his enemies... The anims were the only race left, and Michael wanted them to suffer as well, for he knew he would never become an angel."  
Alice bobbed her head as she walked, seemingly preoccupied.  
"Am I boring you?" Rafael asked, eyeing his friend.  
The dibbun turned and smiled, waving her paw for him to tell the rest. He frowned, but she pointed to the sky, then acted out swinging a sword, as if repeating what he had just said.  
"Hm... Well, God witnessed all this and was not pleased, so He decided that the world would die, and everyone in it would be suspended in time, locked away in memories that no one would have... But as the world turned toward its last hours, there was a lone figure shining through, a female mouse known only as Eden, lost in a sea of scorched earth and abhorrence, living out her days in a small, broken village called Tuul. God saw that she was beautiful, beyond the words of any mortal, and some were even known to cry in her presence, overcome with emotion, moved by her limitless benevolence and healing touch... The world laughed at her, spit in her face, mocked her love and sought to tear her heart away, but this mouse would never be daunted, would never give up on the beasts and the world she cherished so much. She worked, she healed, she gave everything she had, and in return she was raped and her family slaughtered, and each day brought crimson skies and ink black smoke in the distance, the cries of those damned to still live in that earth born hell echoing in her ears, her dreams..."  
Alice stopped and turned around. She was clearly interested now, meeting Don with a sad expression. The fox nodded and motioned for them to stop and rest against a slab of stone, wreathed in vine and soft moss, the surrounding timbers holding them close.  
"God could not watch her suffering, could see nothing but her face in his mind's eye, and He came to her as Himself, not as a mortal. "Eden, the time had come for me to break the cycle, to undo what I have created. You, I will spare, dearest mouse... You will be my bride."  
Eden could not believe what she was hearing...  
"Look around you, God," she said, pleading with her eyes "Will you not have mercy on us?... Will you forgive us?"  
This confounded God Himself: How this maiden could love so unconditionally was beyond Him, and it was then that He saw her true beauty... And He loved her, knew then what is was to surrender oneself completely. God recognized his indifference, His mistake through her, but His mercy was for her alone...  
"I came to you because of lust... Now I kneel to you as one who is enchanted... I cannot forgive the heretic, the malefactor, but I can shield your eyes from the final hour..."  
"No..." Eden whispered, turning away from Him, a single tear falling down her cheek.  
"If you will not aid us, then leave us be... I will go with you, but only if you turn away from this, and that I may watch over my children and keep them safe from harm for all eternity."  
Again, God was deeply moved, and He granted her wish... The earth and the anims were spared, and over the years there were many stories of Eden shared across the world, and it was said that she still watched over us, still believed that we could make things right..."  
Rafael smiled, his gaze wondering along the tree tops.  
"And we did, eventually... For her, we gave back, survived Michael's reign, picked up the pieces and started over again... There's a little prayer from the Bible, something to remind us that we're celebrated, protected."  
Alice's eyes lit up, and she raised her little paw, asking to see the fox's journal. Don handed it to her.  
  
October 5th , 167 A.E. (after Eden)  
  
"May Eden take you in her loving arms, and Her Daughters keep you safe"  
  
Rafael was impressed: The child's handwriting was usually sloppy, but even the penmanship here was different, sharper.  
"Well, we better get going..." Don began, but the ferret tugged on the book, tapping the word 'Daughters' on the open page.  
"Eden's Daughters?" Rafael asked, blinking.  
Alice nodded, wanting to hear more.  
"I can tell you about them some other time... Shall we go?"  
The dibbun stuck her bottom lip out, protesting somewhat, but soon relinquished the journal. She smiling and touched the fox on the arm to say 'Thank you.'  
"You're welcome, Alice," Raf said, walking through the forest again, "You think you can find some food? That yarn wasn't for free, yah know."  
  
*  
  
Meanwhile in Ellenore, several miles from where Alice and Rafael Don journeyed, Gordon Clawborn huffed and wielded his ladle in the filthy kitchen, leveling a young badger with a look of contempt. The stove was blackened, and utensils were scattered across the tables and cutting boards. Food stuffs lay askew, vegetables, meats, a number of ales and other drinks sitting idle, not yet stored away.  
Such as it always was in the morning. Kayle was supposed to prepare the meals AND take care of the dishes, and the lazy good-for-nothing never stayed ahead of his duties, no matter how hard Gordon drove him.  
Of course, the otter knew there was no realistic way the badger could possibly run a tight ship under these circumstances, what with half the village swarming The Philosopher's Tavern, which was quite literally the most popular puke hole in town.  
It was just that the otter simply didn't LIKE Kayle, and his soft, timid demeanor was suspicious, devil born. The freak would most like end up running a muck if Clawborn didn't keep him in line. And why should he, the owner, the good soul who had actually given the misfit that nobody wanted a job, raise a paw to help? Gertrude, his wife, and he had enough problems on the floor, him working the bar and his royal-pain-in-the-ass sweetheart serving those in the dining area. If things kept going like this, he would be forced to hire more help, which wasn't at all what he wanted: More employees meant less money for him in the long run, even if it helped things.  
He paid Kayle dirt, since it's what he deserved, still living at home and still unable to take care of everything around the house for his aunt Sue. The little snot was very disrespectful and shifty, locking himself in his room at night, without even the decency to keep his selfless guardian company after dinner. Sue had warned him of her nephew, oh yes...  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Clawborn." Kayle stammered, trying to meet his bosses gaze as he was slicing a wedge of cheese.  
"After I put this sandwich together, I'll start on the suttee pans..."  
"And you'll have the already dirty skillets ready for lunch?!" Gordon cut the badger off, fancying hitting the beast again... No one was around to see anyway, and Sue had told him that it was sometimes a good idea to beat some sense into the lump.  
"You're behind you slag! We're out of Merlot, you haven't gone to get more, Gertrude had to come back here and prepare the salad, and now she's struggling out there... Do you like it when we have to pick up your slack?"  
"No, I..." Kayle tried to keep his paw steady, tried to keep the looming otter out of the corner of his eye.  
He just wanted to go home... But even there, away from Gordon, there was Sue...  
Clawborn struck him suddenly, out of the blue. Kayle squeaked in surprise, beyond understand why he had been hit. The badger had done nothing this time, nothing at all, and it hurt him more on the inside than anything... Kayle had liked Gordon in the beginning, had hoped that maybe a job would mean he would be given a chance to make some friends...  
But no, the badger had learned a long time ago that the otter and his wife were the same as everyone else, delighted in grinding a heel into gentle spirit.  
'Why?' Kayle wanted to shout, had wanted to since he was small, but had never got up the nerve.  
Clawborn was taking some kind of sick satisfaction out of this, and he wasn't trying to hide it. This was another side of the otter Kayle hadn't seen before, and he swallowed hard, refusing to cry this time.  
Where was Gertrude?  
She was mean to him too, but she didn't put up with her husband hitting him.  
"You're useless, Kayle. I don't even know why you're here." Gordon exasperated, throwing his ladle and nearly causing the badger to cut himself.  
"Try not to screw everything up too bad today, eh?"  
"Ok... I'll try my best, Mr. Clawborn," Kayle said lamely, upset now, "Tell Gertrude I said thanks about the salad and..."  
But the otter was already leaving, slamming the kitchen door closed and mumbling something under his breathe about stripe-backs.  
It was going to be a long day...  
  
Chapter: A few hours later  
  
Alice had managed to come up with a single green apple after an indeterminate amount of time searching, but Rafael was grateful for what they got. The fox polished the fruit on his sleeve and tossed it to the dibbun first.  
"Here, you found it, you get first dibs." He said.  
Alice frowned and held it up, having had found the food for her friend. Rafael smiled and waved a paw as they walked, the sun casting skeleton shadows through the trees.  
"It's cool, I'm not too hungry," he assured her, "We'll be reaching Ellenore soon, I think."  
The dibbun looked at the apple, then looked away, blushing... She was suddenly very uncomfortable, embarrassed.  
"What's wrong?" Rafael asked, quirking an eyebrow, "There's no shame in eating it and having me wait later for food. I already told you..."  
Alice threw the treat suddenly, sending it tumbling in the brush.  
"Hey!" Don said, not understanding why the dibbun was having a fit, "Why did you do that, eh? Now it's probably bad to eat..."  
The child turned to face him abruptly, her body language communicating impatience and shame, her eyes brimming with tears again. She opened her mouth then, stabbing a paw at her throat and snapping her jaw shut.  
"I don't understand," Rafael answered, trying to read her, "It's fine, Alice... You don't like green apples?"  
The ferret shook her head, still frustrated. She pointed at his mouth next, then punched him in the stomach softly.  
"Oof!" Rafael grunted, not exactly in the best of shape in any case.  
Alice pointed at her mouth again, then her throat, sticking her tongue out. Rafael stared, still dumbfounded as the dibbun stopped and sighed, blinking furiously.  
"You... Can't eat?" Rafael asked, finding the idea ridiculous, "You don't eat things? How do you stay alive?"  
Alice shrugged, kicking at the yellowing grass sheepishly, another one of her secrets revealed.  
Rafael sighed.  
"Have I ever judged you?" the fox asked.  
The ferret shook her head.  
'No.'  
"Do you think I'd ever hate you for something so trivial?"  
'No.'  
"Is there anything else you haven't told me that's supposed to scare me?"  
The dibbun thought for a moment, then reached up and gently closed Rafael's eyes. She then touched her temple, but kept her eyes open.  
"So you don't sleep either... And?" Don asked, paws crossed, leaning down at her in mock sternness, but it was hard to keep a straight face at the sight of the little beast pondering so animatedly, chewing on her paw as she scratched an ear.  
Rafael laughed, no longer able to contain himself.  
"Forget about it, you old fuddy-duddy," he said, and Alice grinned, clapping her paws to show her amusement as well.  
"Let's get to this Ellenore place, hopefully soon." Rafael said as they started again.  
"At least now I know it won't cost that much to feed you." The fox added, winking at his friend.  
  
-Ellenore-  
  
The village sat in a short valley, the surrounding forest spanning outwards in the distance.  
Rafael and Alice stood on a high rise to the west, a stretch of junipers and tulips stabbing out of the earth here and there, in a bed of dirt and rock. The dibbun walked into the open first, making her way down the decline. Rafael followed, glancing up and taking in the view.  
Ellenore consisted of a few drab shops and a cluster of cottages, the wood very dark, in some places ash gray. Stone chimneys stood to the side of most of the buildings, and there was even a tall, sinister looking windmill in the far east, half surrounded by towering redwoods. A few fields for tending vegetables and fruits, a pond to the north, some dibbuns playing near the waters edge, splashing each other. Other beasts could be seen walking up and down the short streets, all of them dressed in ugly browns or faded blacks.  
There was talk and a few shouts, some drunken laughter among friends, feisty females hanging out cottage windows, yelling at their husbands or chatting with their girlfriends. There was also a tavern, a makeshift awning of dead teal cloth hanging high overhead, at the front of the establishment. It providing some shade for a few patrons sitting outside, leaning back in rickety chairs, foot paws resting up on small, simple dining tables.  
Rafael's stomach growled...  
There was a wonderful smell coming from the tavern, and the fox made his way toward it, after finally making it into the village.  
The two seemed to fit in pretty well. They walk by other beasts, some of them vermin, some goodbeasts, and they paid them no heed. An older vixen called out to him once, though, the female smiling sweetly, a gold fang jutting out at him.  
"Heya sweet likkle thing," She cooed, motioning for Rafael to stop by the window, "You wanna come over here and keep me company?"  
"Um..." Don stammered, still walking away. He really didn't have time to talk, and he was wary of so many beasts about, half of them probably watching him.  
Plus, quite frankly, the vixen scared him.  
"Hey! Where yah goin'?" she called, cackling at the retreating fox.  
Some of the other peasants walking by glanced at the blushing Don, a few males pointing a paw and laughing.  
"What's the matter prissy claws? She ain't to yer liken'?" one of them joked, but that was the end of it.  
Alice reached up and held Rafael's paw, as if to tell him to ignore the jibes. The fox snorted and jerked his arm away, mumbling something about how he could take care of himself. The ferret shrugged, not in the least bit offended.  
There was an old sign hanging above the entrance, just to the right of the awning.  
"The Philosopher's Tavern?" Rafael read it out loud subconsciously, finding the name eerily familiar.  
'Philosopher... Philosopher...' the fox rolled the word over in his mind, but the answer eluded him.  
Now Alice was feeling a bit apprehensive, standing so close to all the other beasts milling outside, nursing their beers or mutton. Rafael glanced to the left and picked out a harmless looking rat.  
"Are minors aloud in the tavern?" he asked, smelling fresh bread now. He had no idea how he was going to get something to eat, but hopefully he'd get one when he got in.  
"Whatsa minor?" the vermin asked, blinking drunkenly, "You mean ah Miner?... Yeah, workin' beastsis aloud tah drink too."  
"No, I mean a dibbun... Or like if you're not twenty one?" Rafael asked again, suddenly catching himself...  
He himself wasn't twenty one yet, so...  
It took a long time for the rat to register what the question meant. When he did, he guffawed loudly, slapping his knee and spilling his beer.  
"Tikes is aloud anywheres, so long as they keep their grubby paws to em' selves... That your kid?" the rat asked, squinting one eye closed and peering at Alice. The ferret would have squeaked if she could, finding a hiding place behind Don.  
"No, she's a friend of mine," Rafael said, suddenly wanting to be rid of the vermin's company.  
"So dibbuns are aloud in the tavern?"  
"Wot did I jist say, brush bottom?" the rat sneered, jabbing a paw at the door.  
"Beasties go where they please. It only all depends on if yeh can fend for yerself."  
The inside looked like your typical dive, to say the least: Dimly lit, a screen of smoke permeating the air, shifty, baleful characters huddled around small tables and tall glasses of beer, their whiskers greased with lies and spittle. There was a bar to the left, a few feet beyond the door. Some of the patrons occupied the stools, sitting high and hunched over, calling out a nasty comment or two to the female otter that was taking orders. The lone beast seemed to be working the whole room, and she looked exhausted, disgusted with some of the less savory character's 'requests.'  
The first thing Rafael thought was that this was NOT a place for kids... Then the second would be how he was going to avoid getting creamed by a massive stoat at the bar.  
"What you want ehr, fox?" the brute growled, clearly making the gypsy's first few seconds in the bar anything but comfortable.  
"You look like a gypsy boy, runt. You must be a thieving type."  
It wasn't a question.  
Rafael wanted to correct the cinder block by saying, "The correct term is kleptomaniac, stoat-nose." But he didn't fancy getting his head smashed in.  
Nobody seemed to be paying attention, and if they were it was only for a little entertainment.  
Acting completely out of character, Alice bared her sharp teeth and stood in front of Rafael, then took a step towards the stoat...  
"Alice!" Don cried, his voice cracking. His face went beat red as a few snickers came his way, but he reached out and held the ferret back.  
"Hahaha!" The tanked bully laughed hard, "Is that little thing your body guard? What, is she gonna gnaw on my ankle till I die?"  
The dibbun in question was still glaring up at him, but Rafael couldn't take anymore of this, whether he got punched out or not.  
"Hey, we're not thieves... We just came in here and you started yelling at us."  
"I was yelling at you, fox," and now the stoat got up off the stool, two nasty looking skinning knives flashing in the dying light, now revealed from underneath a long riding coat.  
"What are you gonna do about it, hu?"  
"For God's sake, Hedrik, leave the little turd alone." Someone mumbled near by, "He's not hurtin' nothin'."  
Rafael resented that remark, being referred to as a 'turd', but he would take any support where he could get it.  
"Yes, I was just..." the fox began, but the ottermaid came back from the kitchen, making her way down the bar.  
"What the hell's goin' on?" she snapped, eyeing Hedrik with what Rafael believed to be the meanest look in the universe.  
A few of the patrons turned away, already knowing it was over. Some of the more considerate souls that had not wanted to see the fox get hurt tipped their hats or ales knowingly, smiling at the sight of Gertrude, the long arm of the law at The Philosopher's Tavern.  
"Sit down, Hedrik, before I pelt you in the face."  
"Aw... I wasn't gonna kill 'em... Just rough 'em up a bit..." the stoat mumbled, sitting down again.  
"You WOULD beat up on a dibbun," the otter's voice was as sharp as steel, "That's about as good as you can do in a fight anyway, slobber chops."  
This last statement caused a few to turn from their corners or groups and laugh, but a quick glance from Hedrik stunted the merriment.  
"I hear you laughin', beasts." He growled.  
"Oh... Go boil your head." Came a random voice. The stoat nearly exploded out of his stool again, but there was no telling at all who had spoken. The rest paid him no heed, at the most shrugging as Hedrik barked at them.  
Rafael and Alice walked in, past the stoat and several tables, making their way down the line. Gertrude watched them, and she paced the two behind the bar as she polished a spotted mug. The prospects of getting the glass clean looked hopeless, but the otter bent down and came up with a pitcher of beer from behind the bar, and she poured a pint for a hailing squirrel.  
"What do you want?" she asked as she worked, seeing that the fox had stopped and was now looking up at the menu, above the pick up station. Her voice was neither kind or hateful, but plain.  
Strangely, the fox figured that this cold tone was actually rare of the otter, almost as if he and Alice struck her fancy. He didn't act on this feeling, though.  
Too risky.  
"I'm just looking." Rafael said, still undecided.  
"Make up your minds quick, pixies." The otter snapped, pocketing a silver coin the squirrel had slapped down in payment for the alcohol. A few of the customers were watching them again, wondering if the fox was going to be more trouble.  
The gypsy sighed. There really wasn't a way around it, so he might as well say...  
"I don't have any money, but me and my friend here are starving," he began, but was sidetracked, remembering that Alice didn't eat.  
"Fox..." the ottermaid said, appearing to be barely in control of her temper now, "If you don't have any money, then you need to leave... Right now."  
Alice reached up and tugged on Rafael's sleeve, pleading with him to leave.  
"Wait..." he said to the dibbun, then to the barmaid, "Is there any other way we can pay you? Like with labor or anything like..."  
"I said... Get out." The otter said, and now she stopped, watching and waiting for them to retreat. They did, the ferret glancing at her hurtfully, and the fox giving her a stink-eye. As soon as they were out the door, she burst into the kitchen, away from the prying eyes and ears of the rest.  
"Did you hear that, Gordon?" she asked, fanning herself with her apron. Kayle hardly looked up, knowing it was known of his business. The otter's husband was stabbing at a pizza pan, trying to dislodge a stubborn piece of lasagna.  
"What?" he barked, eyes narrowing at her, "Can't you see I'm busy, woman?"  
"Woman yourself, led-tail," Gertrude snapped, walking over to the stove to work on a bowl of stew, "That fox and his brat said they'd work for food, not money. That's what you wanted, right?"  
"Gah!" Gordon snarled, stabbing himself in the paw.  
"Can they wash dishes? If they can't, I don't want 'em!"  
"I'll go see." Gertrude answered, not willing to miss up the opportunity to pick up some help: They had been going too long like this, barely getting things done. She couldn't care less if Kayle or lazy claws were swamped, but she wasn't going to take anymore of this.  
The otter maid stopped what she was doing and headed out the back door, into an alley and hidden from sunlight. She passed the garbage bin, walked out into the street a few feet and spotted the fox and the ferret walking away, off to the west.  
"Hey, fox!" she called, and the youth stopped and turned around, surprised to see her running at him. He almost brought his paws up to defend himself, probably thinking she was going to accuse him of stealing something. The dibbun shied away from her as she came huffing and puffing up to them, and she waited to catch her breath before she spoke.  
"You said you'd work for food?" Gertrude asked, "How about food and no money. Does that interest you?"  
Rafael looked at Alice, as if he were asking for advice. The ferret shrugged, but still kept her distance.  
"I dunno... I guess." He said, fidgeting with a claw, "This place is kind of hostile... I was thinking of leaving, but can I ask you a question? I'm looking for someone..."  
"Save it," Gertrude cut in, slapping her rudder-like tale on the dirt path, "Get back to the kitchens and start on the dishes, you and the mite."  
  
The otter paused, letting a hint of a smile play across her features.  
"If you can slacken the load I've been hauling," she said, glancing back at the ally, "Then I'll make sure the two of you will have a fine supper this evening, prepared by me personally."  
"I suppose we'll have to wash the dishes afterwards?" Rafael asked, unable to resist the chance to joke. He had already accepted in his mind, but the idea still sounded funny somehow.  
Thankfully, the jibe hadn't offended the barmaid.  
"Whotever, smartallic," Gertrude rolled her eyes, but her tone was light, "There's a badger in the back preparing food. Ask him about what dishes to wash and how."  
  
*  
  
Rafael walked into the steaming, hot kitchen from the back, leaving a few garbage bins and some old barrels behind that were haunting the alley. Gertrude led them over to the water trough, the it was full of soap suds and plates. Spatulas, knives, forks, spoons, glasses, pitchers, cutting boards, skillets, ladles, pots, pans, and a bunch of other nameless cooking tools overflowed the sink and were piled off to the side on the table, and on a near by island.  
Alice gaped at the mess, and Don smacked his forehead, wondering how on earth he had gotten into this mess.  
And all for some grub? Whoever had had to do all this work alone must have been here till one in the morning!  
"Get to it, kits," the ottermaid barked, throwing a washcloth at Rafael, landing it neatly in his face, "It'd be a good idea to put the half weight over to the right with the towels, drying everything off and putting them away as you clean... Just a little advice there..." Gertrude finished, winking evilly at them and then walked away.  
"Gee, thanks," Rafael smirked, but their tormentor was already gone, "Let's get these dishes squared away, Alice."  
  
*  
  
The two went at the chore with a will, and soon they got into a rhythm. Rafael began scrubbing stains with gusto, finding he had a knack for sorting through the different items. His paws began to move automatically, seeking out the easier adversaries and passing them on the Alice.  
The dibbun soon learned where everything went, after being yelled at by Gordon Clawborn, whom Don immediately decided he hated. The otter showed them even less respect than his charming wife, and it wasn't just because they were dishwashers. He simply hated everybeast there, and he seemed to have no problem showing it every chance he got. The badger that was working the stove and fixing sandwiches was under a constant barrage of insults, and Alice, being so small, apparently made a great target too.  
Every now and then the fox would glance up and watch the youth as their boss laid into him, and he saw him flinch visibly a few times.  
Maybe the otter hit him on occasion...  
Rafael hoped not. The badger... What had he heard Gordon call him?  
Kayle... A meek little thing (well, being a badger, he wasn't so small) that spoke very softly and avoided making eye contact. The gypsy wanted to go up and talk to him or introduce Alice and himself, but they were too busy to even say hello.  
Maybe afterwards he could ask about Jaya or see if Gordon and Gertrude knew anything.  
Surprisingly, Rafael and Alice got everything caught up in a little over an hour, and Gertrude walked in just as Alice was putting away the last of the silverware in a drawer by the pickup station. Rafael leaned against the trough and threw the washcloth over his should casually, folding his paws. His friend smiled and did the same, a tiny mimicry of his demeanor.  
"Wow..." Was all the barmaid could say at first, glancing all around, taking in the unusual scenery. She could go anywhere in the room and find what she wanted, and the counter was even clean.  
"That was fast, and dinner won't be starting until another half hour." She said, trying hard not to show her approval.  
"Yeah, good job." Gordon muttered from the bar, dropping off a ticket. He didn't even pay the kitchen so much as a look...  
Kayle picked it up and finally looked they're way and smiled, despite Gertrude's presence.  
"You guys did great. I think it's wonderful that..."  
"Yes, yes, very good." The barmaid cut the badger off, walking over to the island to prepare something for Rafael and Alice.  
"You're just grateful you don't have to wash the dishes, right Kayle?"  
"No, I didn't mean it like that," the badger said, hurt, "I mean that they're hard workers and that it's great that they're..."  
"Ah, poppycock." Gertrude barked, and Raf was about ready to step in and defend the badger, but then she said, "You two go on out the back and enjoy the evening, eh? I'll bring out a summer salad and some coconut prawns... How does that sound?"  
All thoughts of standing up to the oppressive otter went out the window at the mention of food.  
"Yes, most definitely. Thank you, Gertrude."  
The fox went up to shake her paw, but she shooed them away, blinking at the gypsy's sincerity.  
"What are you, Kayle? Get outside right now, that's an order." She said, still shaking her head in disbelief at the sight of the giggling dibbun, paws rubbed raw from drying so many dishes.  
Some beasts were just too good natured for their own... Good. One would only be setting themselves up to get hurt at that rate.  
But still... Gertrude couldn't help staring after them as they left, paw in paw, the fox talking amiably about some silly thing. For one fleeting moment, the ottermaid wondered what it would be like to not be so uptight, so reserved and on guard.  
Maybe just to smile and mean it? Something like that.  
Not really knowing why she was saying it, Gertrude called after them, finding the words awkward, even though she didn't falter in her speech.  
"Kayle will bring it out to you... He'll be taking a break too."  
The fox waved a paw absently to show he had heard her as he walked out, but the badger stopped what he was doing and stared at his supervisor.  
"A... Break?" he asked, blinking, his big brown eyes conveying astonishment.  
"Er, I've never had a break."  
"Well, you can thank your two little friends out there." The otter said, already starting to regret what she said as the badger turned away and smiled again, probably trying to think up something nice to say.  
'Disgusting,' Gertrude thought, and she worked faster, the salad tongs flashing like throwing knives.  
  
*  
  
A cool breeze danced across the open street near the end of The Philosophers Tavern, the alley proving a bit too stinky and dark for the pair's taste. The sun was setting, painting the sky a shade of purples and pinks, and the disc of light winked at them, fire orange and exhausted from such a long day.  
Alice tucked in her tail and sat down at the corner, leaning against the wall. Rafael did the same, finding the wood warm, his back sore from leaning over the sink. All around the village was sleepy, the beasts appearing to walk a little slower, a little more casual. Some of the lights in the cottages came to life, and the smells of evening meals and dry grass enveloped them. The two of them pictured an evening of food and play, maybe some of the younger beasts coming out and starting a good old game of Crack the Whip or Red Rover. This was home for most of the residents, and it sure felt that way now...  
Rafael was at ease, but he was thinking of Jaya again, wondering if she was happy, too. Or if he wanted to settle down again. Or if that Hedrik person found out that the gypsy had stolen five silvers from him. Or this or that.  
The fox looked at Alice, and the dibbun was watching everybody else, smiling and waving if somebeast her age called to her, seemingly enjoying herself with little more than a simple late afternoon.  
'Maybe I could learn something from that,' Rafael thought dryly, shaking his head. Maybe he should just stop worrying so much for now. It always seemed like whenever he DIDN'T have something to do was when he fretted.  
Kayle came out to join them, a heaping plate of salad and shrimp in his paws. After he dropped these goodies off in Rafael's lap, he came back with a hot bowl of stew, with beef and sliced potatoes and vegetables.  
He stood there for a moment, a big grin on his face, but he was undecided about something.  
"Um..." the badger began, glancing around.  
"Yeah?" Rafael paused between wolfing the salad down. He was starving, so he wasn't conscious of the fact that Kayle didn't know about Alice's... Condition.  
'Oh, drat...' he thought, making eye contact with the now nervous dibbun.  
"Can I sit with you guys?" the youth finally asked, apparently not bothered with the fox hogging all the tucker from the ferret.  
"Er... Yeah, sure... Alice is, um..." Rafael began, still trying to think up an excuse.  
Kayle smiled and sat down next to the dibbun, the three of them making a peculiar group to the passerby.  
"Well, I can give her some of my stew, if you don't wanna share." The badger offered, blowing on the steaming meal.  
"Er... I mean, of course it's your choice if you want to eat all that... I mean... Um, I don't mind, er, wouldn't ever judge... Heh... Gertrude, like, made this stew for me..." Kayle stammered, trailing off lamely, figuring he was going to be told to go away now.  
Rafael blushed, feeling suddenly like he was a heathen, selfish. He wasn't, of course, but how was he going to explain that Alice couldn't eat?  
The dibbun had an idea, and she put it into action before Raf could do anything. She snatched the fox's journal from him while he was in mid- bite, going for the piece of coal tide to the spine.  
"Alice, no..." Don objected, but the child was calm, focused. She trusted the badger, for some reason, so the fox didn't stop her.  
"Oh, that's alright. I don't need an explanation." Kayle said hurriedly, seeing a chance to redeem himself.  
Rafael blinked, taking aback by this new level of meekness.  
"Are you always this polite?" he asked as Alice scribbled between them, her tongue sticking out in concentration.  
"I mean, I'd be suspicious or offended too if I saw someone starving a child."  
Now the badger looked like he was backed into a corner. He fidgeted with his spoon, not sure on what to say...  
Rafael sighed. He was starting to understand what kind of person Kayle was.  
"Sorry... We got off on the wrong paw," Don said, "My name is Rafael Don, and this is my friend Alice... She's about to explain to you why..."  
Just then the dibbun had finished, and she pushed the book into Kayle's lap. The badger put down the bowl and picked it up, staring at it.  
"I'm sorry too..." he began slowly, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Don, and you, Alice. My name is Kayle Woodworf... And, um, I can't read... Heh heh."  
Rafael laughed, finding the whole thing suddenly amusing. What a strange conversation they were all having. Alice didn't really get it, if there was anything to 'get', but she made a low throaty sound, grinning and 'laughing' too.  
Kayle looked... Frightened, maybe proud that he had said something funny, but not sure.  
This only made Rafael laugh harder, and he held his sides, immediately taking a liking to this odd beast.  
"It's ok, Kayle." Don said after he was finally able to speak, "You're a good beast, and I'm sure you don't mean to offend... We've just had a strange day, that's all."  
"Oh, right," the youth said, a little less tense, "I thought you guys seemed nice, so I thought it would be cool to talk or something."  
"Of course," Rafael nodded, taking the journal from him, "Here, I'll read this out loud..."  
  
October 5th , 167 A.E. (after Eden)  
  
I don eet or sleep cuz ime ded but ime not ded inside cuz ime a alice!  
  
"See? That explains it perfectly." Rafael said, tittering again. The two of them probably looked perfectly insane to the badger.  
Kayle seemed to take this in for a long time, staring into his stew as if it were a crystal ball.  
Alice looked up at him anxiously, hoping that her new friend wouldn't run away. Rafael saw this, and he felt for her, but he couldn't say anything.  
"I think that's really weird," Kayle finally said, but it sounded like he was apologizing again, "I don't think it's bad though. You guys are nice, so I know you wouldn't do anything evil."  
The badger looked away from the mystical stew and smiled at both of them.  
"I understand," he said, "Friends?"  
"Sure... Alice!" Rafael started, then chided the dibbun, who was now going on a hugging spree again.  
"Heh, thanks Alice. I like you too." Kayle blushed, placing a big paw gently on the dibbun's head. She looked up at him and grinned, then went over to hug Don for good measure.  
"You jeez." Rafael said, rolling his eyes. "That really isn't necessary. What have I told you about hugging people?"  
As predicted by the gypsy, his cheeky friend ignored him completely, getting up to wander off, blowing another raspberry at him as she did.  
"She never listens to me." Rafael said tiredly, but he was soon eating again, forgetting the whole thing for now.  
"Well, hopefully you two can stay and work with us for awhile. You did a great job so far." Kayle said, tucking in himself.  
"Yeah, I guess... I dunno, I'm not really planning on staying here long. I'm looking for my friend, Jaya." Rafael rambled, going over his sorry excuse for plans in is mind.  
"I'm going to ask around, then go looking for her. She was my first real friend, and she accepted me from the start, despite all my faults."  
"That's sounds so cool!" Kayle said excitedly, but he caught himself, suddenly sheepish, "I mean, I have a lot of faults too, but I never had a friend like that... You must have a lot of pals? You seem like you could, or something."  
"Nope, just Alice," Rafael went on, hardly paying attention, "Yeah, Jaya was a good buddy. Hopefully I can find her."  
Kayle sighed.  
"I just worry about the dinner shift. That's pretty much the extent of my woes."  
"Your... Woes?" Rafael repeated the youth, laughing again.  
"Yeah," the badger said, trying to lighten up, "I heard that word somewhere."  
"You're weird, Kayle," the fox chuckled, shaking his head, "And don't worry about the dishes tonight. That's what me and Alice are here for, eh?" Rafael reassured him, winking broadly.  
"Aye, and I'm glad for that, most definitely." The badger said, finally more on the confident side.  
  
The Last Chapter  
  
"She will go after the fox and the nameless entity, and she'll wait until they leave Ellenore... A slow, extremely painful death. You can count on it."  
Gilgamesh descended through the mist, the falls of Hannavin cascading around him/her/it. A dim rainbow shined through, dreamlike, impossible in blackest night. The unicorn's hair framed an angels vanity, hiding away from God and His troubles.  
Yazeth was dazzled, as usual, but he/she/it could also be quite the enchanter. Their magic was boundless, and they knew no limit to their misery and sorrow, the very thing that kept the balance between them and those of pure evil and wickedness, the Dreamers. The Others would come and go, and they meant nothing, but they would always be weighed.  
The unicorn lives in constant torment. If they were to be free of it, there would be no one to sacrifice, no martyr, no one to give themselves wholly and perfectly. Their bodies and souls were created to hold a gate closed, a portal among the Dreamers, but also within themselves. They are everything sacred and holy, and if they are not constantly focusing on the Dreamers and disillusioning them with their endless control, they would mate with the unicorn while it slept, if it ever DARED to have a dream instead of a nightmare.  
To hope...  
"Selfish fool..." Gilgamesh hissed, but the sheer beauty of the creature could never convey any kind of real animosity, not physically.  
But oh, how he/she/it wanted to kill Yazeth.  
The guilty unicorn held her/its/his head high, mane flowing gently in the sunlight below the waters surface.  
"We live forever, Gilgamesh. Must we die every day? Forever? The Others will never know what we do for them, will never..."  
"We are given the greatest gift ever known!" Gilgamesh's eyes were sapphires, more fierce than any Knight of Eden, "And you spit in its face... We cannot have everything. We would be tainted, tempted, seduced into boredom and madness, locked in the stars until we become dust... And then what... We go on and on... You KNOW why we cannot dream, cannot love or care or even laugh. We are already there, in the center of everything that is right. We MUST coexist with the Dreamers."  
"Scales." Yazeth snorted, but already another part of him/her/it was else where, speaking with creatures of fire and brimstone, mulling over what had happened.  
"We could have been so much more, but all we are is... Scales, canceling each other out. It's so simple..."  
Yazeth's attention became diverted, a faceless, wailing devil-head laughing at him, also afraid of what they had created.  
"It's an insult." Yazeth finished, closing the window, "The Dreamers run free. They don't even care about us, one way or the other."  
"The Dreamers are imploding. They are completely irrelevant, and don't even think about bringing them into this." Gilgamesh said, even more angry now.  
"You found peace, you created an Un-unicorn, a creature spawned from our secret desires, our want of something more... But we already have everything, so it will wander mindlessly onward, and it will never evolve or understand itself. It knows only obsession and love, a perverse variation of our existence, and it will purge the world of ANY filth it comes across. Nothing is perfect, I don't need to tell you, so... That fox is going to die, and the ferret will be assimilated."  
"So? Rafael Don is a whelp, a joke. The ferret is just a strange little thing." Yazeth was still not impressed, but it/he/she knew what an Un-unicorn was capable of.  
"A strange little thing we know nothing about!" Gilgamesh was nearly screaming, "This is unacceptable. We are to be aware of everything from here to the last day, but Alice doesn't fit... What if your precious daughter comes in contact with this anomaly? Will she wake and come to realize her true potential? Her origin?"  
"You're thinking into it too much." Yazeth lowered his/its/her horn in a show of submission, that he/she/it was not arguing, but only debating.  
"My daughter is doomed. There is no hope for something that can only be a shell, an embodiment of want... My foolish want, my moment of pleasure that was not to be, should have never been. Ecstasy folds in on itself and spins away, if it's at its pinnacle... And only a unicorn can experience it, that waking moment in Heaven."  
"That's perfectly useless, you know. Admitting guilt and suffering for it means nothing on our plain. You should have been content with what you had: The Others would sacrifice their first born to become what we are."  
Yazeth looked away, hooves clicking against the rock hollowly.  
"Give their first born for an eternity in Hell? I think not."  
  
*  
  
Dinner was twice as busy as lunch, and Rafael and Alice learned that the hard way when Gordon started calling in the orders. Gertrude switched to kitchen duties, working along side Kayle, and the two slaved over the grill, sweating and constantly calling for a bust tub pickup. When Don was running back and forth from his station, the ferret would scrub away at the dishes, and when she was left to her own job, she was also required to learn some prep cooking: Spring rolls, Caesar's salad, coconut shrimp, halibut, pies, sauces, shredding cheeses, everything... Mr. and Mrs. Clawborn instructed her on how to perform all of these tasks, whilst barking at Rafael and Kayle and serving the meals and drinks. Alice hated Gordon, though. The otter was a big, nasty fellow, and he treated her with distain, dismissing her as nothing more than a halfwit child. Gertrude was just as mean, but she didn't turn her nose up at the newcomers or think of herself as better. She was the boss, they were the help, that was it. She cared nothing about them, but she had a strained respect for those she worked with.  
Rafael didn't really care for either of them, but he liked Kayle, even felt he could trust the strange beast. He would look over at their station every now and then and pass a raunchy or demeaning joke at the badger, 'challenging' his higher authority.  
At first, Kayle seemed confused, even a little intimidated. No one had ever jested with him like that, poking fun at him but not meaning it at all. Rafael actually had to say he was just kidding, that he didn't mean any of it. The youth in turn only smiled crookedly and mumbled that he got the joke, trying to play it cool. It took awhile, but he finally started coming around...  
"I'm not taking anymore of your slack, stripe dog." Rafael called over, scrubbing away at a dinner plate. He was actually enjoying himself. He could have done without Alice splashing him with dirty water, but aside from that, they were staying just ahead of the rush.  
"Heehee! Well, yah better keep working... Um, fox person." Kayle was still getting the hang of trading jabs.  
"It's bush-butt, pansy-paws. Heh heh, jeez, I actually have to insult myself, you're so bad."  
"Hahaha!... Bush-butt. That's a good one, Bush-stupid."  
That last insult was so horribly lame that Rafael nearly fell over laughing.  
"Hahahaha! Oh my God!... Teehee! That was the worst insult EVER, Kayle!... Hahaha!"  
Instead of feeling affronted, the shy badger raised a butter knife, waving it around and adopting a swashbuckling slur.  
"Ha har! I'm tha king 'a bad puns, I is! I slayed yah with mah 'orrible speech!"  
At the sight of the badger in an apron and a chef's hat, waving a tiny butter knife around as if it were a scimitar in a huge paw, Rafael couldn't help but stop what he was doing, he was laughing so hard now. Kayle's scowl was perfect, completely out of context.  
The gypsy figured the youth couldn't look intimidating if he tried.  
"Hahahaha! Ok, stop, Kay-hehahaha!... Alice! Stop splashing me! Hahahaha!... Stop it!"  
Rafael might have died from laughter if it wasn't for Gertrude. The otter thwacked her tail down once by Kayle, sending a flat smacking sound around the kitchen.  
"Knock it off, all of you! I wonder what your aunt would think about all this, Kayle."  
At the mentioning of this unknown person, the badger put the knife down immediately and went back to work, almost on the verge of tears, blinking furiously.  
"Oh please, Mrs. Clawborn, please don't say anything to Aunty Sue. I'm really sorry, that was so dumb of me..."  
"Eden on the cross, Kayle, shut up!" Gertrude snapped, at her wits end. She would never say anything to that witch of a Woodworf. She just used that threat to keep Kayle in line. Not that she ever even had to do that before: Kayle was the epitome of obedience, but he was being sidetracked by the pixies.  
'Bah. He could use some friends, sure, but not here.' Gertrude thought, now turning on Raf and Alice.  
"And you two... Get back to work or I'll tan BOTH of your hides! I don't care how old you are, Alice. You're never too young for a good swatting."  
The dibbun jumped in fright, running around with a bundle of forks, putting them away frantically.  
Rafael stunted his merriment the best he could and got back to work, shaking his head at the otter when she wasn't looking. He didn't like the way she was talking to them, but he could tell, deep down, the barmaid would never bring herself to such extremes.  
It was Gordon he was worried about...  
The gypsy had seen the way Kayle watched the owner of the Philosopher's Tavern. Like a dog that had been struck. In fact, Don wouldn't be surprised if the otter actually DID hit the youth, when no one was around.  
The very thought made him sick. Who could pick on someone like Kayle?  
'Everybody, apparently.' Rafael answered his own question. Kayle seemed to be getting the same treatment on those rare occasions when he was out on the floor. He was being labeled as the village idiot, and he would do nothing about it.  
'That's too bad,' Don mused, still working to stay ahead, 'This place is a dead end. Hopefully Alice and I can ask around a bit tomorrow and then be off.'  
The thought had crossed his mind to take Kayle, but that would be two beasts to worry about as apposed to one, so the possibility didn't seem likely.  
  
*  
  
Things finally started to wined down at the bar and in the dark corners of the dining area. Beasts of all kinds were speaking in hushed tones, full on vitals and swooned by alcohol. Gordon leaned against the bar, speaking with a tall, inebriated mouse, who was mourning the loss of a new love, probably to another gentleman who was more adequate in bed or had more money. The other groups kept to themselves, a sense of peace all around. The candles burned low around the tables, and the iron chandelier's flames were extinguished. The windows were left open, pale blue moonlight lying here and there, and the stars could be viewed by those lucky enough to have a seat near the openings.  
Rafael sighed.  
It had been a long night, but they had finished early, and he was very tired.  
What was it about wanting to linger for a little while after it was time to go home, away from the work place, the place we all hated to go to every morning. Pride in a job well done? To mock the one place where you're supposed to be busy by hanging around idly?  
'Or maybe I don't have a home.' Don sighed again, patting Alice on the head when she came up to stand with him by the island.  
"Ready to get out of here?" he asked, glancing at Kayle and Gertrude. Both of them were resting, having nothing to do since the two new employees had already cleaned up.  
Alice nodded, but she wasn't sleepy.  
"I put a little something together for you while I was slaving, fox." the barmaid called over to them, and she walked over to the counter by the swinging doors that led to the bar.  
She opened a bread box and then came back with a whole apple pie, still piping hot.  
"Wow." Was all Rafael could say at first.  
"You can borrow a pair of forks and knives, but don't tell Gordon you took them or he'll beat the stuffing out of you... That's not a joke, either."  
"Does he hit you, Gertrude?" Rafael asked without thinking, his exhaustion muddling his judgment badly. He couldn't believe he actually asked that, to someone he hardly knew. He was half ready to be kicked in the face and thrown out, but the otter simply pushed the pie into his paws.  
"Gordon had a bad upbringing, gypsy boy..." she said, nodding at Kayle to dismiss him. The badger met up with Alice just outside the back entrance. The two of them smiled at each other, glad to be done for the day, but they waited for Don.  
"I'm sorry, I can't believe I asked that..." Rafael began, but the otter continued as if he hadn't spoken, now watching her husband from the pickup line.  
"Yes, he hits me, but he loves me with all of his heart, and don't you even think about calling me sick in the head for saying that... You don't know him."  
Gertrude stopped, and for the first time Rafael thought he saw what he had suspected: A trapped soul, tired and worn out from conforming to everything, compromising, forgiving, forgetting... But it was the only thing she knew, the fight, the struggle. She had probably been raised that way, too.  
"I'm sure there's good in everyone, Gertrude," Rafael said slowly, speaking from his heart, "And we can help each other... But sometimes we need to think about ourselves, learn how to love ourselves before we can love others. You're not respecting yourself by staying in that kind of situation, and sometimes others simply can't be saved, locked in their own ways or are just refusing to change, to get better."  
"That's enough," Gertrude's words were impenetrable slabs of ice, pushing Rafael back a step, "You're no savior, gypsy. You're just another snot nose who doesn't know the hardships of real living and working with others, like Kayle... Maybe Sue was right."  
"Gertrude." Kayle whispered hoarsely from the door, deeply saddened. Rafael watched the exchange. The badger had been harboring some kind of hope for the otter, a hope that she wasn't all nails and closed doors.  
By saying those last four words, she had stamped out that belief. Rafael didn't know who 'Sue' was, but he hoped he wouldn't find out soon.  
Alice reached up and held Kayle's paw, and he turned away, unable to look at Gertrude anymore.  
"Don't start that sentimental garbage with me, stripe dog. I ain't your friend and you know it. Now, get out of here, and take your pixies with you."  
  
*  
  
Rafael, Alice, and Kayle made their way down the street, just a short way into the open fields beyond the surrounding forest, to the east. Not a word was spoken, and it was never quite established who was following who.  
Don stopped first, stretching his tired back and yawning. Ellenore was pretty much retired, all but dead at eleven. The place certainly wasn't a wild place at night, the villagers all tucked away in their homes or passed out at the inn. There were even a few wagons and tents scattered here and there on the outskirts, up north, a few camp fires winking at them from behind the distant trees.  
"So..." Kayle said, glancing just ahead at what obviously was his home. A one story, but sprawling, one of the larger permanent homes. There was a porch out front and an awning, a few rocking chairs sitting there, too. There was a glow from within, and Rafael could make out frilly white curtains and an old lamp.  
"So..." Rafael repeated the badger, still not thinking straight or really caring about what was going on.  
He just wanted to sleep, to pass out in a gutter if need be. He felt so... Uninterested again, but at least he wasn't beating himself up or finding himself in that queer, unresponsive mood he'd get in.  
Alice was looking around, watching Ellenore in all its contentment, but she was antsy, shuffling from paw to paw, with nothing at all to do.  
"Go, be free for a bit, Alice," Rafael said, indicating the woods. The dibbun nodded and wandered off, glad to be exploring.  
"You let her just run off like that?" Kayle asked as she left, worry etched across his features, "What if she is attacked?"  
Rafael shrugged.  
"She's been taking care of herself since day one, way before she ran into me," Don said, pulling his cloak closer to him, "She saved my life, actually. I wouldn't worry."  
"Is she magical?" Woodworf asked, now filled with a sort of curiosity.  
"I dunno, I guess," Rafael decided it was time to pass out, "She's dead, so maybe it's necromancy or somthin'... I'm going to sleep. See yah."  
The fox turned to go, planning on hitting that nasty alley up again.  
"Wait, Mr. Don..." Kayle called, "I was... Thinking you could maybe stay at my house? I was gonna offer, I mean... If my aunt thinks it's ok."  
"Sue?" Rafael asked, glancing over his shoulder, "That was her name, right?"  
"Yeah... You remembered?"  
"Yup... Um, whatever you say," Don turned and faced the house again, "No offence, but will she be... Cordial? It sounded like she was... Never mind, everybody treats me like dirt anyway."  
"Oh, she's not that bad," Kayle said hurriedly, not wanting to drive the fox off. He tried coming up with something else, an example or a reassurance that Sue wasn't a virago, but glancing down at his foot paws was about the best he could do.  
Rafael sighed.  
"Ok, I'll just go see what she says."  
  
*  
  
The pain was exquisite! Never before in Alone's existence had she felt so alive. Her front limbs were destroyed. Incinerated bone and flesh, red muscle blistering and torn up, the blood almost dried out. It was this, the throbbing from that lack of blood but the brain telling the front limbs to still FEEL that was killing her.  
Making love to her.  
The wind was like ice fangs stabbing... Stabbing in a thousand places, the tiniest punctures, but the deepest.  
Damp leaf and soil, trunks all around. The stars shone through the emerald, a glowing lime green that wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for the moon caressing the treetops.  
And all she could think about was the fox and the ferret, the two beasts that had seen her but had found her wanting. She, who would free them, show them what it meant to feel with every sense stimulated beyond imagination, would find them.  
Alone could feel them, and she decided to become beautiful, even though drowning in her agony would move her to tears.  
A fist punched through her face, exploding her horse-like skull outward. She made a horrible moaning sound as the hand came back and picked at her, stabbing her in the eyeball, splitting it into a jelly mess and feeling around in the socket.  
Her brains felt funny, and she triggered another beast's memory suddenly, much to her surprise.  
Alone was connect to unicorns, she learned, and she watched as the hands of time sped back. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years...  
She saw elves and humans, and she purred quizzically: These were lovely to her, but they were all long dead. Her heart ached after this revelation, and her ribs snapped and the skin on her chest stretched, breaking at the seams to admit purple guts and intestines. Her insides churned, willed by her spirit alone. She used what organs she could, and she fed her new body, which twisted and came to life in stunning ferociousness, limbs thrashing at her old shell, crushing spine and sending viscera and blood everywhere.  
The place where she burst out of herself was a horrid scene, discarded body parts sprawled in a lake of body fluids, the mess caked all the way up the trees, the smell enveloping everything for several yards...  
In the center of all this stood a naked, stunningly attractive human woman, her body covered in a glossy slime, silver hair hanging down in globs past her waist. Her face was carved from the finest ivory, and her supple body was magnificent, a perfect specimen.  
Alone held up her new hands. Somehow she knew that becoming a human in this day and age would frighten beasts, but how would she woo her children to come to her? This form was soft, powerful, enticing... How could they resister her now?  
Alone went searching for a river and someone to kill for some clothing.  
  
*  
  
"Kayle, what are you doing with a vermin?"  
Those were the first words that came out of Sue's mouth at the front door. Rafael rolled his eyes, already planning on walking away, but the younger badger stepped in.  
"This is Rafael Don, Aunty Sue," Kayle hurried, smiling nervously at his new friend, "He's our new dishwasher at the tavern, and he did a great job today helping out... And he has another friend too, a ferret..."  
"And what are you proposing, Kay," Don blinked at the short nickname, "Stop standing there and keeping me out here with that filth. A badger has no place with baby eaters."  
"What?!" Rafael blurted. No one had ever called him something that horrible, never.  
"Aunty Sue, please!" Kayle cried, losing his composure, "Rafael isn't a vermin! He's my new friend and I was wondering if he..."  
"He's a fox, child," Sue was still talking to her nephew as if Don wasn't there, "Rats, stoats, weasels, all of them. Nothing but scum and you know this. Has everything I've taught you gone out the window? You're too good for my advice? All I ever wanted was the best for you, and you do THIS!"  
Now she looked at Raf.  
"I'm sure your mother had good intentions, but she unfortunately made the mistake of being born herself."  
Don was speechless. He couldn't believe how vile this badger mother was. Her ignorance was practically washing over him. He looked at Kayle, then Sue again.  
How could these two be related?  
Just then the old badger's paw shot out, pinching Kayle in the arm savagely. Sue had apparently had enough of the exchange. Her nephew squeaked in pain, blushing red from embarrassment.  
Again Rafael was nonplused, but tried to think of something to say.  
Explain himself? Try to convince her that he wasn't all that bad? Why should he? A beast like her wasn't even worth the effort. He wanted to talk to Kayle and tell him he understood, but the youth was being dragged into the house.  
"Raf, I'm sorry, I..." Kayle tried to say, but Sue hustled him in and slammed the door in Don's face.  
"...Wow..." was about all the fox could come up with.  
What a wicked beast. She could still be heard screaming from the porch outside, probably telling Kayle he was insane or obtuse for associating with vermin.  
'Who thinks like that anymore?' Rafael wondered, 'Black and white, vermin and goodbeasts... I can't even remember things being like that.'  
The fox stood there for a moment, a mess of things going through his head, then decided to just walk away, pie in paw.  
  
*  
  
"Your father worked so hard to give you a good life," Sue said, dragging Kayle by the skin of his arm across the hardwood floor, through the living room and all of its antique furniture. The badger was trying his hardest not to cry. He was beyond angry with his aunt. How could she be so impolite! He had at least expected her to just say no, like she always did, and left it at that. She was clearly in one of her moods. She smelled like fire water again, too.  
Down the hall they went, only one candle lit on a wall table near the end.  
"Your mother died giving you life, then you go and drive your father to drink with all your little dreams and tomfoolery. Always wanting to loaf around and do nothing!"  
Kayle knew better than to say anything, had learned that years ago, but he couldn't take this. Not now, not after how she talked to Rafael. What if Alice had been there?  
"My... My father loved me," Kayle mustered, a hint of defiance in his eyes, "He told me he did, and it wasn't my fault that mom died... He told me that, too..."  
"How DARE you dishonor his memory with your sinners tongue! Quinn was my BROTHER, you little spit! I knew him before he EVER thought of making you, and he was happy before you came!"  
"NO!" Kayle cried, a fury he had never known before welling up inside of him, his heart racing in his chest like a jackhammer.  
He could see what was going to happen next, was already cursing his sudden boldness, no matter how pitiful it had sounded.  
Sue hit him, but this time it wasn't a slap. The youth stumbled back into the wall, knocking over a few pictures. The frames and glass shattered all around him, and his nose was bleeding.  
"I can't believe what's gotten into you," Sue whispered, a mixture of disgusted and sadness on her face, "I've taken care of you, done everything in my power to see you through, even after all the misery you've caused me, all the sleepless nights thinking about my broken family... I love you with all my heart, and then you go and MAKE me do this."  
Kayle was crying now, unable to control it anymore.  
Lies. Illusions, all lies. She didn't love him, never did. She fed off of his pain, his tears.  
His aunt liked it, needed it in some way.  
"Kay," Sue used his pet name again, that name his father had used so lovingly when he was a dibbun, "Are you going to raise your voice at me again?"  
The youth stared at the floor, still sitting on his tail, face red with frustration. He should just say what he always says, get it over with.  
It wasn't worth it.  
"Apologies to your aunt and give her a kiss and then go to bed. No supper for you, since you were keeping company with vermin."  
Wasn't worth it? How many times had he told himself that? What kind of excuse was it?  
Kayle was tired. Sick and tired of feeling this way, all mixed up and awkward, so weird and different and unhappy and lonely and...  
"Rafael isn't..."  
A pause. This was a road he had never gone down before.  
"Isn't a vermin. He's a goodbeast, and you'd like him if you would just..."  
Sue's eyes widened in shock, as if she was being attacked. She blinked back a tear, deeply hurt by her nephews iniquity.  
"Is that what I get for forgiving you? More backtalk?" his aunt exploded, storming over to where he sat.  
"No, no, I'm sorry!" Kayle cried, holding up a paw, but the blows came down on him like stones. He curled up into a ball reflexively, sobbing, unable to do anything else.  
"Please Aunty Sue! I'm sorry! I won't make you mad anymore! I was wrong!..."  
Soon he could only cry, screaming when the pain was too great. Sue pulled him to his feet by the scruff of his neck, smacking him across the muzzle again as she dragged him to his room.  
"Look at you! A full grown badger sniveling and crying like a baby! No wonder your father was ashamed of you! If only he could see you now, snot running down your nose and carrying on like a dibbun!"  
Kayle could only wail brokenly, his sobs coming in short gasps, a stabbing pain in his chest. His arms and head were on fire now, and he could taste his own blood. His vision was blurred as he was pushed onto his bed, and he stumbled off of it and into the nightstand, his back driven into one of the corners. He was still trying to shield himself, but Sue was already walking out. She stopped just outside the hall, a taught paw wrapped around the doorknob.  
"You stay in here and think about what you did! Try not to wet the bed tonight either, you little retard!"  
Kayle hugged himself and let the pain come out in waves, clutching at his wounds and trying not to suffocate from crying so hard. It was all he could do for a long time, what he was reduced to mentally and physically.  
'Why?' was the first coherent thought as he leaned against his bed, burying his face in the mattress.  
  
*  
  
Alice backed away from the window. The ferret had seen everything, mostly. The scene from the badger's bedroom window had been enough for her. She bit her lip and tried to keep from running away as the badger mother had thrown Kayle into the nightstand, the youth's features a depiction of pure horror and defeat, an animal that just wanted to be left alone. The dibbun had also felt the impact of the badger crashing down, even from outside, and she winced. As Kayle rested against the bed, rocking back and forth, Alice turned around and set her back against the side of the house, holding a paw to her mouth, slowly sliding into a sitting position.  
She was struck numb with dread, and for awhile she had no idea what to do...  
'Get Raf.' She thought, trying to stand again.  
  
Image: A Mouth Full of Pins  
  
The fox in question was enjoying a warm apple pie out in the open fields in the west, sitting Indian style among the tall grass and sleeping jasmine. Getting away from Ellenore entirely was what he needed. After just one day of living there had made up his mind that he would leave tomorrow.  
He also figured he was a rather sorry adventurer after Alice snuck up on him just then, having made it right behind him before he even noticed.  
"Ack!" Rafael barked, blinking and wiping away crumbs from his whiskers.  
"You almost gave me a heart attack! What is it?..."  
The ferret was tugging on his sleeve before he could finish. She was deeply upset, gulping and trying to control her anxiety.  
"Wait, my pie," Rafael said, nearly dropping the treat, "I'm eating now. Just sit here and tell me what's wrong and I'll see what I can do."  
The problem, whoever, could not be dealt with at their current location. Alice wanted him to check something out, and whatever it was...  
The ferret fell to her knees and sobbed impatiently, clinging to the fox and cursing him with her eyes.  
"Ok ok!" Rafael exasperated, having never seen the dibbun throw this bad of a fit. The problem had better be important. There was no excuse for Alice to carry on like this.  
"Listen missy, you're being VERY spoiled right now," Don chided her, placing his pie on the ground as he rose, "You gotta grow up and be more composed. You can't just cry or charm your way into everything."  
Alice completely ignored him this time, dragging him until he was forced to run. He should have refused and walked on his own, but she wouldn't let him go until they were racing down the street, due east.  
This thing that was vexing the child was starting to look more and more serious as the gypsy ran, his breathing and paw falls more audible in the quiet night. A creeping fear clutched him, and he was starting to guess at what he was going to find.  
A body? Maybe someone was murdered.  
An approaching band of poachers or raiders?  
Another monster?  
Fire?  
"Kayle's house." Rafael sighed, coming to stand next to Alice as she stopped.  
"And to think I was actually freaking out," Don said, rubbing his temple slowly.  
He was starting to get a headache.  
"Yes, that's Kayle's house. It doesn't look like it's on fire, so I think that's it. I'm going."  
The dibbun nearly bit him as she grasped his paw, her frustration barely under control.  
"Alice!" Rafael was shocked by her fury, "You're making me very mad. You should never treat your friends like that."  
The child stopped but didn't let go. She took a deep breath and let it out, wiping at her eyes and nodding an apology. Finally, she released her grip all together and stared at the house, then the ground.  
"What happened?" Raf asked softly now, thinking he had maybe been a bit too harsh.  
Alice pointed a paw at the house, then brought the other up and smacked them together, grunting as the sound echoed across the empty street.  
It only took a few seconds for Rafael to catch on, having been suspicious of Sue in the first place. However, this was a severe accusation they would be placing on the badger mother if they went up to that house, and he knew that if it was her word against theirs, the people of Ellenore would be more inclined to listen to someone who was a well established citizen, not two grubby wanderers.  
Rafael kneeled down and put a paw on Alice's shoulder, waiting until she looked him in the eye.  
"Are you sure?" he asked, glancing again at the darkened windows, "You saw Sue hitting Kayle?"  
Alice nodded gravely, never leaving his gaze.  
"Was it bad?" Rafael continued, and now his throat constricted, suddenly concerned for the youth, "Did she hit him in the face?"  
The ferret backed up and made a wide circle with her arm, as if placing Rafael inside of it.  
"She hit him all over the place." Rafael offered, wincing as the child nodded again.  
"So she beat him up real bad. Any idea why?"  
A small paw was directed at him...  
"Me?" Don asked defensively, "How could..."  
The fox understood then, figuring that Kayle had gotten in trouble for 'associating with vermin.'  
Rafael stood there for a long time, trying to figure out what to do. Alice seemed to know exactly what to do: Head for the backyard.  
  
*  
  
Kayle finally stopped crying and slowly climbed into bed, his arms still red from the thrashing. The soft comforters felt like pins against his stinging body, and he started crying again, softly this time, wrapping himself up in the covers and burying his head in his pillow.  
Maybe he would die in his sleep. Drift away into nothingness, bypass Heaven and Hell and come undone. He was going to give up on beasts, all of them. There was no point. His father, the only person who ever loved him, was dead and gone, and he himself was dead inside, with nothing new to contemplate but the taxing misery.  
"I just want to die..." the badger said it out loud, biting his lip at how despairing he sounded, "I hate everything, because it hates me."  
A small tapping on the window.  
Kayle pulled the covers over his head moodily, figuring it was either the wind or some annoying bird, come to taunt him.  
Another tap.  
"Go away," the badger said, voice quivering, "Just go away..."  
But the tapping persisted, this time a steady beat.  
The badger scratched his head fur tiredly and turned over to lie on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows to...  
Find himself staring at Rafael.  
"Raf?" Kayle explained, reaching up and opening the window, making sure not to be too loud.  
The fox was staring at him, and suddenly the youth remembered his face. He blushed furiously and sat up, turning his back on the stunned gypsy.  
"Hey," Kayle said meekly, toying with the hem of his tunic, "I didn't know you were gonna stop by."  
"Are you apologizing for being beaten?!" Rafael nearly lost it, wanting only to wrap his paws around Sue's neck and squeeze. He lowered his voice though, pretty sure he wouldn't be able to carry out the act if the badger mother walked in.  
"Forget that... What happened to your face? Did Sue do that to you?"  
"I don't mind," Kayle said, but he was fighting back the tears again, "I'm used to it, it doesn't matter."  
"Eden..." Raf almost didn't know what to say.  
"Kayle, no one deserves to live like that. Look at what she did to you! She obviously doesn't care about you."  
"No one cares about me," the badger said, barely above a whisper, "No one..."  
Rafael blinked back a tear himself. He had no idea it was really this bad for the badger.  
"I don't think you should stay here," the gypsy made up his mind, but he still wasn't completely sure what he was doing, "I think... You should get out of there?"  
"Why?"  
"Because it's not healthy. You might die, too."  
"That's ok," Kayle sighed, the casual words sending a chill down Raf's spine. The badger could be suicidal...  
"Kayle..." Rafael tried one more time, "I'm your friend, remember? I think you should leave."  
"I dunno." The youth shrugged, still facing away from him.  
"Someone else is worried about you too." Don added, and he picked Alice up and helped her rest against the sill, foot paws way off the ground. She grinned and held her paws out to the badger, not flinching once as he turned his battered features to them.  
"Alice?" Kayle asked, wiping his eyes.  
The crippled badger crawled over to the window and hugged her, the dibbun's tiny arms wrapped around his neck. Raf smiled and did his best to pat Kayle on the head as he held the ferret.  
"Will you leave with us? We're getting out of here right now."  
"Yeah, I'll go," the badger agreed, finding it hard to detach himself from the clinging Alice.  
"Let's get out of here."  
  
*  
  
Rafael forgot about the pie in the field and led his friends further east, taking it slow because Kayle had hurt his back. The youth was tired, sore and beat up, but he had never felt so happy in his entirely life. The open night sky was a dome of stars, and there was a brisk wind buffeting them towards the forest, almost encouraging them to leave Ellenore and its troubles. He glanced all around the lush fields and sprawling skies, speechless.  
"So we're going on an adventure to find Jaya?" Kayle asked, brown eyes twinkling despite his injuries.  
"Heh... I wouldn't call it an adventure," Rafael said, quirking an eyebrow, "It's more like a 'bumbling-around-looking-for-Jaya-and-getting- into-trouble' kinda thing me and Alice do."  
The dibbun nodded sagely, as if these were some wise words.  
Just before they reached the surrounding trees, a small group of warrior types jumped out of hiding, brandishing swords and spears.  
"See?" Rafael said, right on cue.  
Both ferret and badger stepped back, cowering behind Raf.  
The gypsy sighed.  
"Thought you could pull a fast one on me, didn't you fox-face!" the leader sneered, stepping into the moonlight.  
"Hedrik," Don smirked, but he was trying to keep his knees from knocking, "What do you want?"  
"My five silvers you thief!" the stoat spat, drawing one of his blades, "That and your hide. Those other two turds can be a bonus."  
"What is it with everybody calling each other 'turd' around here?" Rafael asked, squinting quizzically.  
"Oh, a smart-beast!" Hedrek said, taking a step forward. Rafael knew he was dead, but he couldn't help himself.  
"You looked pretty smart after I stole your money and everybody was laughing at you." Don said, using sarcasm to keep himself calm. He would fight to protect Alice and Kayle, but it didn't look like he'd be taking any of them with him.  
The badger in question finally got up enough courage to stand beside the fox when a sharp cracking sound pierced the night air. Hedrik and his three cronies (two rats and a mouse) ducked and looked around.  
A lone otter stepped out of the shadows, just south of them. She carried a crossbow in one paw...  
"Gertrude!" Kayle cried, and he almost went to her.  
"Stay back stripe dog," the barmaid snapped, "I saw these gentlemen following you, so my business is with them."  
"You're here to take me back?" the badger asked, now unhappy to see her.  
"No. I'm helping you leave," Gertrude said gravely, taking aim on Hedrik, "I know what Sue's been doing to you, known it for a long time."  
"How?" the youth asked, shivering, "She told you?"  
"No..." the otter answered, smiling crookedly at her former employee, "I get beat up all the time too, remember? I can tell when I see someone like me."  
"Oh... Gertrude." Kayle choked back a sob, realizing that he would never see her again, would never get a chance to talk about it.  
"Enough!" One of the rats said, drawing a crossbow himself and training it on Rafael. Alice bolted in front of the fox, eyes shut tight...  
  
"Sure, you'll get one of them," Gertrude's voice was stone, "But then I'll get one of you."  
The rat kept his aim, but he glanced at the otter nervously, who was now pointing her weapon at him.  
"Wait," Rafael broke the spanning silence, "I'll put the money down right not," he said, slowly withdrawing the coins from an inner pocket in his cloak. He gently pushed Alice out of the way and placed the money on the ground.  
"There, now all we want to do is head east, out of Ellenore and out of mind. You have your silvers."  
"That ain't good enough." Hedrik said, clutching his blade.  
"Don't make this hard," Gertrude stepped in again, "No one wants to die, obviously. I'm sure your fellow scum aren't ready to take an arrow in the kidneys for your pride."  
The two rats and the mouse saw the wisdom in this, and Rafael could read it in their body language.  
Hedrik was just about to say something else when the mouse squeaked, his attention drawn to something in the forest. The stoat and the rest turned, only to find yet another newcomer arrive. This beast, however, was like nothing any of them had ever seen...  
Alone stood pensively, tilting her head at the band of warriors. She started to walk forward, long hair flowing.  
"What..." the mouse began, but the human reached out and grabbed him by the neck, picking him up off the ground as if he were weightless. The others screamed in alarm and fear, and the rat with the crossbow fired an arrow into the creatures face, pinching its features into an ugly grin. In answer, she pulled the mouse's head of and sprayed them with gore, throwing the body at Hedrik.  
"Go!" Gertrude screamed at Rafael and his friends, "Get into the woods!" the otter fired at the thing and it spun, another arrow sticking out of its chest. As she reloaded her crossbow, the other two rats fought to defend themselves as the thing began to move faster, seemingly fueled by the fatal injures inflicted upon it.  
Don knew what this 'thing' was. It took him a moment to get over the initial shock, but he grabbed the wide eyed Alice and Kayle and yelled into their ears.  
"Come on! It's going to kill everyone!"  
Kayle couldn't take his eyes off of what he was seeing as they moved around the fray, another rat slashed horribly in the arm, bone and sinew showing.  
Rafael ducked into the forest and broke into a run, Kayle and Alice close behind. They could hear beasts cursing and screaming, the sounds of steel slapping against flesh, a crossbow twanging...  
"Wait, Gertrude!" Kayle called to Rafael, but the fox didn't stop.  
"Forget her Kayle! That monster is after US!"  
  
*  
  
The three ran until their lungs were bursting, until they couldn't stand. Rafael had no idea how far they had gone or for how long, but he wouldn't be surprised if the sun came up on them.  
The fox leaned against a tree, holding his aching side. Alice sat down and drew her knees up to her chest, hugging herself. Kayle found a large rock, wet with dew. He sat down and buried his head in his paws, still distraught over leaving Gertrude behind.  
"She wanted us to get away," Don tried to talk to the badger, "She did it for us. She wasn't as bad as we thought she was after all..."  
"I knew she wasn't, even when she was mean to me," Kayle said brokenly, "I could read her, I think... I just wasn't sure."  
"Gertrude finally turned over a new leaf, even if she didn't..." the gypsy's voice trailed off.  
"Survive." The badger finished his sentence.  
"Whatever happened," the fox continued confidently, pushing away from the tree, "She's in a better place, or she's happy. I'm sure of it."  
"We could have saved her..."  
"We would have died, and her efforts would have been in vain. Trust me." Rafael finished, glancing at Alice. The dibbun looked at Kayle and nodded.  
"What was that thing?" the youth asked, unable to stay on one subject for the moment. His mind was racing, and he was trying to block out the memory of the mouse getting his head ripped off.  
"It's this thing me and Alice saw awhile ago. We thought it was dead."  
"How did it die the first time?"  
"That's a long story... We can discuss it as we walk." Rafael said, wanting to be on the move again. Alice felt the same way. They would never feel safe, never feel like they had gone far enough.  
  
Act 2  
  
October 7th , 167 A.E. (after Eden)  
  
Rhythm You never said I'd have to get up Lying here watching time eat my skin Like the slowest act of selflessness We don't have to start over I'm already naïve  
  
Kayle shuffled from paw to paw anxiously, watching the little fox sitting on a hallowed log, scribbling at his journal. The gypsy stopped and made a slight scowl at the words, then bit his tongue and scribbled some more.  
  
Control would be better for the soul But it's this way The context you like is constant And it didn't make a sound because no one was there No one cried  
  
"These are horrible," Rafael concluded, tucking the worn book back into his havvy sack, "I don't even feel weird about it anymore. I just wish we could rest and forget about all this."  
"But we can't," Kayle started just as Don finished his sentence, "Alone is coming. Can we go now, please?"  
Alice was nowhere in sight, but they knew she would return. The dibbun never traveled back the way they came, and she was never gone for more than an hour.  
"We should wait for our zombie pal." Rafael mused.  
"Why does she always wonder off?" Kayle worried, pacing again. The badger was becoming more and more tired and frightened as time past. Don could see that the young beast was suffering, that he would eventually descend into a state of irrational paranoia if something wasn't done about their current situation. Running from an indestructible monster wasn't helping the fox's nerves, either.  
"Alice is afraid. She doesn't like the vibe we put off too," Rafael stood, "She might be trying to combat this on her own. That's why she's disappearing."  
"She hates us now?" Kayle asked, for once distracted enough to forget about Alone.  
"No, it's not like that. She could easily escape this on her own, I think. Before me, she was a shadow, an intangible voyeur that moved freely. Now she's kind of anchored."  
"So we're slowing her down." the badger's voice was shaking slightly, "She's going to leave."  
"It's for the better if she does," Rafael did as the badger had requested and started heading east again, "She failed at birth, tore a family apart with her arrival. The guilt would have killed her again if she could die. She's been through much, and she shouldn't feel obligated to travel with us if she can survive on her own. I've already told her that I'm trouble and that it's bad luck to stay with me."  
"You sound like you don't care about her." the badger said quietly, following the fox into the trees.  
"It isn't that," Rafael snorted, "I like her a lot, but I'm just being logical or something."  
The ferret in question came bounding up to them from out of nowhere, smiling and greeting them with a wave.  
"Heya Alice!" Kayle returned the smile, "We were just talking about you. You're not getting boggled down because we're stressing out, are you?  
Rafael shot the badge a look, as if reminding him it wasn't polite to tell someone what was being said about them while they weren't there. Maybe the fox just didn't want what he really felt to be known, or he was too self-conscious to tell Alice himself, but he didn't appreciate Kayle's inquisitiveness.  
The tiny ferret paused, blinking once and looking away. She then pointed at Rafael's havvy sack. Don took out his journal and handed it to Alice.  
  
Oct 7th , 167 A.E. (after Eden)  
  
Sometimes  
  
"What is that word?" Kayle squinted at the letters.  
"She said sometimes," Rafael nodded and took the book back, "She doesn't hate us for it. She just feels bad. Alice." now he turned to the child, "Remember what I said when we met? We'll always be friends, and if you want to leave we'd understand. Maybe if you left you could-"  
The dibbun scowled suddenly and kicked the fox in the shins.  
"Hey!" Don barked, but the mite was already running off in a huff.  
"I don't think she wants to leave," Kayle grinned, convinced now that Alice would stay, "Look at how offended she was when you suggested she should leave."  
"I wasn't trying to get rid of her," Don sighed, "She needs to understand that. I was just trying to tell her that she has the option."  
"Well, I'm glad we can all stay together." Kayle ventured.  
"Sure," Raf shrugged, "Let's keep moving."  
They did, and all through the morning they made good time, finding the occasional path or clearing to traverse. They let Alice lead, since she was faster and set a good pace. It wasn't too hard of a course to follow, in any case. Just head east.  
"Will she follow us forever?" Kayle finally asked.  
"I don't know. I don't want to sit around and find out either." Rafael said.  
"Me neither." The badger said, crestfallen. The youth saw no end to their flight, and the others felt it too.  
Alice stopped and waited for them as they fell back again. She was fading, folding in on herself. It was as if it was she that was losing sleep, not her friends. Rafael wondered if she would decompose suddenly, and he almost smacked himself for thinking such a creepy thing.  
"We can't keep going like this." The fox decided.  
"Yeah, it's terrible." Kayle agreed.  
Alice nodded.  
"No, I mean YOU guys can't keep going on like this. I won't let it happen. We need to think of a way to stop her," a pause, "Maybe kill her."  
The two young beasts frowned, both of them having nothing to offer at the moment.  
"We can't stab her or use magical acid stuff on her. She's probably immune to fire too. Hm."  
"Magical acid stuff?"  
"Not now, I'm thinking."  
The little fox stopped and paced back and forth through the tall grass, scratching his chin. Kayle tittered as Alice snuck up behind the gypsy and mimicked him, trying to look pensive. The badge lost it and started laughing when Rafael smiled and punched a fist into an open paw, the ferret doing exactly the same.  
"I got it! We can-" Don began, but the badger wasn't listening.  
"What's so funny? Oh, you little-" Rafael finished as he turned around, catching the dibbun putting on a puzzled expression.  
"Very funny yah pancake," he chortled, patting the child on the head, "We're being hunted down by some kind of demon and all you can do it."  
His voice trailed off as he watched the two of them grinning at him, despite all they had been through. Maybe there was some wisdom to be gained here. A child plays games not just to entertain his or herself, but to learn, or in this case, to heal, distract. Sometimes the simplest act or remedy make the best solution. Innocent games weren't going to be a permanent fix, though. He appreciated it, and he would keep this knowledge, but he had to get back to business.  
"We find a public place again, somewhere where we can get help." Rafael said.  
"Is there a place like that further east?" Kayle asked, glancing in that direction.  
"I dunno. I hope so."  
They started walking again, picking their way through the wood. Again they communicated less, the badger and the fox focusing blankly on the path Alice was leading them on. The sky closed up as noon past, and they could smell rain. They couldn't chance finding shelter if there was a downpour, for fear of Alone gaining ground on them. Once, they had heard her coming, after they had decided to stop and see if she was still following. That had been twelve hours after she tried to attack them. The un-unicorn would not stop, would always be moving in their direction. If they continued the way they were, however, they would end up suffering from sleep deprivation. The ferret could cope, her the living needed rest.  
Alice's ears perked up suddenly, and she started to run. Rafael looked back to see if Alone was behind them. The fox saw and heard nothing.  
"Alice, where are you going?" Rafael called, picking up his pace to a jog.  
Kayle followed suit as the two of them gave chase, still unsure as to why the dibbun was running. Just as they thought they had lost her, she came crashing back into them, gasping and pointing east. She was smiling, too.  
"What did you find?" Don asked, hoping it was a settlement of some kind. They all continued, and after a short time they came across a clearing, the earth hard and the grass yellow. A little further from them a bridge, a rickety, ancient looking thing spanned across a gaping chasm, the stone walls burned red and orange. It twisted as far north and south as they could see, disappearing abruptly from behind the trees as it went.  
"That looks dangerous," Kayle, of course, was the first to show some skepticism about the bridge.  
"Well, if we don't cross it, we'll have to change course. I don't see any consequence in that, but." the fox wandered over to the old posts, testing them with his paw.  
"We could use this. We can cross the bridge and then sever the ropes on the other side, causing it to collapse."  
"Er, ok. So how is destroying the bridge helping?" Kayle scratched his striped head. Rafael started to walk across first.  
"One at a time guys. We're not just going to drop the bridge after we're done using it. We're gonna wait until the monster thing tries to cross, then we give her flying lessons."  
"Oh. Oh!" the badger grinned, and Alice nodded along as if she were in on the whole plan from the start.  
The dibbun crossed next, then Kayle.  
"What are we going to use to cut the ropes?" the badger asked as the three of them waited.  
"We'll use our teeth. You take the left post and I'll take the right." Don had it all figured out. Or at least he hoped he did.  
An hour past. Then two. Could they have gotten that far from her? Was she waiting for them to leave? Each moment put them more on edge, and they were praying that the human-form wouldn't show up all together. Time also made them more docile, the grey skies and insomnia mucking their alertness. It wasn't too cold, it wasn't raining. Just a slight humidity, comfortable. They could lie down for a sec and-.  
And there she was, coming out of the trees as silent as an owl at night. She was still banged up, blood in her hair and on her clothes. She hadn't bothered to take the arrow out of her face either.  
Rafael squeaked in horror and almost forgot to take up his position as Alone approached the bridge.  
"Children, there you are. I have only to give and you run? I can't bear to live in this filthy world anymore." She said.  
Don tried not to look suspicious as he stood near his post. Kayle crept up beside him, but the fox could see that the badger was shaking like a leaf.  
"Don't let her see what we're up to." Raf whispered hoarsely. He himself was having a hard time keeping it together in the monster's presence. He knew it could kill them easily, could tear them to pieces without using a muscle. Somehow he felt they wouldn't be dealt a quick death like Hedrik and his beasts, though. The human thing kept talking about loving them, showing them things. The fox didn't even want to think what it'd be like if she caught them.  
"I can't," Kayle wined, "I. She's getting closer!"  
Don tensed as the badger ebbed away, his fear literally driving him back.  
"I can't do this without you," Rafael could feel his heart racing as Alone made her first step onto the bridge, "Kayle, please, you gotta help me. I need someone else to-"  
The badger was rooted at the spot now, staring at Alone. He was trying to run. Don could tell. He couldn't make himself angry with the youth, but he was still going into a panic. If Alone got halfway across the bridge, they would have to retreat.  
Alice was suddenly beside him, gnawing at the ropes on Kayle's side. Raf didn't waist any time. The two of them bit into the fibers, and it was then that the human impersonator saw what they were up to.  
"You're throwing away more than you know." Alone started to move fast, but by the time she got halfway, it was too late. The planks of wood creaked and gave, the ropes snapping, both Alice's and Rafael's sides nearly cut at the same time. The bridged dropped away, and they watched the un-unicorn turn away and fail with her limbs, but she missed any kind of hold that could have saved her.  
Kayle stepped up to the edge and watched too, the three of them leaning over.  
"There she goes." Don said quietly, watching Alone's flowing hair.  
"Do you think she'll die?" Kayle ventured. In the next moment they were answered with a dull crunch, all of them wincing as the human thing's body twisted at a funny angle and then came to rest among the unforgiving rocks.  
Alone didn't make a move after that.  
"Wow," Rafael was still staring, "That looked like it hurt."  
"Yeah." Kayle sighed, and he turned away. The badger said nothing more as he began to wander off on his own. Alice made a short run after the badger, then turned on Rafael with a worried look. The dibbun waited, undecided. Rafael stared blankly at the ferret, then after the receding Kayle.  
"Um. Kayle? Where are you going?"  
No answer. Don didn't understand what was going on, but he moved to follow the badger east, Alice by his side. The two of them walked for a long time, in Kayle's shadow. The youth made no indication that he knew they were following him. Even when the forest was silent, and the occasional stumbling sounds from Rafael could be heard a mile away, the badger never looked back. Darkness was closing in, and while Don was satisfied with making some more ground, he also thought they deserved a long overdue rest.  
"Kayle, wait," the fox called, "What's wrong?"  
The badger stopped, his broad back to them. They could see his shoulders heaving slightly, even from where they were. They stopped also, keeping their respected distance. There was a solemn air about their large friend, and an awkward silence circled them through the trees.  
"Everything," Kayle finally answered, his voice quivering, "I'm still the stupid, cowardly old me. I thought that after I finally ran away I would change, would grow up. I failed you, Mr. Don. You too, Alice."  
"What, because of that incident with the bridge back there?" Rafael asked, blinking, "You don't have to be ashamed about that. I was just as scared as you were."  
"But you didn't chicken out!" Kayle cried, turning to face them, "I backed down and Alice, who shouldn't have even been NEAR the bridge, had to step in and save the day. She could have gotten hurt because of me."  
Alice's expression was pained, and she ran up to the badger.  
"Uh oh. It's 'hug time' again." Rafael rolled his eyes, but deep down he was glad the ferret was there to handle the badger, the dibbun's simple, honest reactions acting as a good remedy in some cases.  
"I'm sorry Alice. I'm a dummy," Kayle stammered, hugging her back, "I guess in the end I'll always be a coward."  
"Having courage or doing the right thing isn't a part of growing up, Kayle. There isn't a right of passage or anything like that. We're all different, whether we're old fools or young hermits. Our traits, our potential comes from within." Rafael walked toward them as Alice motioned for his journal.  
"So you chickened out. So what? Not everyone is a hero. I'm certainly not. If there's something about yourself you don't like or there's something in your past you're ashamed of, all you can really do is work to make it better, by your own standard."  
"You're really smart, Mr. Don," Kayle sniffed and wiped at his eyes, "I didn't think you would be very nice to me after I nearly got you killed."  
Rafael laughed.  
"You're still so sheepish," the fox patted the youth on the arm and handed the book to Alice, "No harm done. The monster is gone, we're going to get a good night's rest."  
Alice finished her scribbling and held her message up to Rafael.  
  
Oct 7th , 167 A.E. (after Eden)  
  
The monster is dead were free! Yu can sleep wile I get food and well get rest its ok kayle!  
  
The badger smiled and nodded as Don relayed the message.  
"Sounds like a good idea. I'm beat."  
"We won't be sleeping as soundly as the monster thing tonight." Don winked.  
"Let's hope it doesn't wake up again." 


End file.
